Drowning

On Thursday I was kicked out of my mom's group early. Actually, it was my daughter who was kicked out because she bit three kids. Three! Since she can't drive herself home, I had to go as well. My second cup of decaf coffee spilling out of my cup because I didn't get the lid screwed on tight enough.

We've been battling this biting stage on and off since the fall and the more she bites, the more I feel like I'm drowning. After those hard few weeks of potty training she went a full two weeks without biting and I thought that we were through that one. I drew a conclusion that the two were connected - the physical strain of what was going on was being reflected in her mental state. Then it started up again. Little Man had more bruises on his cheeks but I did think that it was just a short setback that we'd get through quickly.

Fast forward to last Wednesday when she melted down about an hour and a half into a playdate, followed by Thursday, and I have never felt as lacking in my mothering skills as I do now. I do not know what to do anymore. I am doing everything the references I've found online say and I'm even in contact with the counselor I had in High School because she specializes in kids.

Yes, indeed, these things do come in waves and old habits are the ones we all go to before anything else. Try to imagine her behaviour as a path that is familiar and easy for her to walk. What you are trying to do now is form a new path. It's going to be a tough go and she'll trip over brambles and roots as she begins. But, the more she walks it, the smoother it will be and the easier it will become. And, all the while, the old one will start to become overgrown. 

Her words are so wise and bring much comfort but at the same time I'm afraid we'll never get to the place where she has found her new path. As I re-read her email, I try to focus on the fact that there will be a day again where the teeth are not bared. After sharing the idea that stages come in waves, a friend brought my focus back from "this will never end!" to the comforting idea that "waves do end eventually". I needed that, and I continue to need the reminder almost every moment of the day, it seems. I feel like I am being thrown about by this wave; I keep getting tossed about, my head flailing from side to side, desperate to get some air, not really sure if I ever will.