Thursday, January 26, 2012


Life is pretty good when my biggest problem is that I can't stop shoving things into my mouth. I'm hungry all. the. time. Just finished supper an hour ago? Time for some popcorn. Lunch 45 minutes ago? Time to seaerch the fridge. Or maybe I just think I am. It doesn't matter what I'm doing or how recently I have eaten but I seem to be fighting an urge to fill some void in my stomach. I can only equate the feeling to back in the days when I tried to stop smoking. It is driving me crazy.

During the holidays I had done some baking. Each day it would be there in front of me and the amount of cookies and squares I shoved in my mouth was kinda ridiculous. After it was all done with, I had gained 5 pounds. Very frustrating after sitting at my pre-baby #2 weight for the previous 6 months.

A few weeks ago you could have caught me in the bathroom eating Hershey's Kisses at a fast pace, hoping no one would find me. No, I wasn't trying to hide it from Sweet One, I was just a little embarrassed at how many I was eating. As I was doing this, I remembered a story about someone hiding in their kitchen, guzzling a beer as quickly as they could. (I know this isn't a fair comparison and that I can't equate this with alcoholism. I'm not completely dumb.)

This morning I scarfed back 3 gluten free banana nut muffins. They're the size of a regular muffin tin, but still, I felt like I needed more. I went up to shower, got Little Man fed and napping all the while trying to figure out what I might eat next. I made my decaf Americano and was going to eat a greek yogurt but I didn't have any, so instead I ate a clementine. I really wanted a ham and cheese omelet but decided that after all those muffins I didn't need it.

So I'm starting to wonder how much of this is a need for calories because my song is 21 pounds and as hungry as ever, or if it is just a bad habit that has developed out of boredom. (For most of my life, it doesn't matter how big my meal was, I'm almost always hungry a few hours after eating.) I haven't always had the best relationship with food and so I'm trying to find a way to eat well and enough without losing my mind. Once we're not cooped up in the house so much I'm sure it will be much easier not to eat all the time, but until then I really need to fight off the voices in my head that have food calling my name!

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