Sunday, April 8, 2012

SAHM Seeking Confidence

Well, it seems a lack of confidence in my abilities is overwhelming me these days. I started reading a book my friend loaned me called Your Three Year Old. I've read the first chapter where they explain characteristics of the age and I didn't recognize anything until they started talking about 3 1/2.

Sweet One has definitely passed into the realm of 3 1/2 a few months early and this is not an easy stage. Quite frankly, I hate it. I don't feel like I am handling any of the challenges this stage presents in a decent way Sweet One can lose her mind over anything from eating to getting dressed. In between those moments she can be the most wonderful little girl in the world to the point that I wonder if I was imagining the tantrum that happened only moments before! But the moment we get back to a crappy moment I lose my mind as if we never had the lovely time at all! I don't like how I handle myself these days. I feel like shit about it. One reason for all this is maybe that Sweet One and I are a lot alike. (Didn't someone once tell me about a mother's curse?) Right now I'm wishing we had the money to send her to preschool next year. I think she'd love the learning and I'd love the break from her! Perhaps the challenges that preschool could give her would alleviate some of our issues. Unfortunately, I just don't think we'll be able to come up with the cash. Then again, Big Love mentioned that things could be completely different by then. It's all so dumb sometimes!

I'm convinced that the other reason why I can't get a grip on how I'm handling things is the fact that I don't have anything for myself outside of being a mum. I need to do something that gets my creative juices going! I'm hoping that maybe sewing a few things might help with this. The biggest problem to simply getting started is that I'm lacking a lot of confidence in that area. I used to make myself a skirt once in awhile and I have a number of dresses I made for myself but the shorts and shirt I screwed last summer are casting a huge shadow over everything. I do want to sew a few things for the kids, as these are often much more successful projects, but I need new clothes myself and suck at shopping so I'd like to not suck so much at sewing my own clothes! I'd even take a course or two but I can't seem to find any in my area. I have two cuts of fabric waiting to be made into projects. They're there. Washed. Staring me in the face every day. Now I just need to get sewing.

It seems as if I'm the only one lacking confidence. Would you believe that Sweet One started trying to ride a scooter yesterday? I was a little scared. But leading up to this, two of the boys were zooming back and forth while Sweet One screamed at them to stop and be careful. No matter what I did, she wouldn't stop screaming. After awhile their dad said, "Why don't you go and get her helmet and let her ride that one. The youngest one was riding a scooter at her age." He was right. The kid was and he was fine. I was scared but Big Love was behind me as he had just gotten back from work and he's much better at the "it can't hurt" approach. So we went ahead. The moment we asked her if she would like to try riding a scooter she stopped screaming. She was excited and ready to figure it out. She didn't get going very fast at all but she had so much patience with herself. For over an hour she kept trying and trying at her own pace, not getting mad when she'd couldn't go as fast as the boys.

I need to find some of the confidence I used to have in my abilities. More patience with myself wouldn't hurt either. Maybe this little girl is going to keep teaching me how to be a better person.

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