Monday, August 16, 2010

Switching outlooks

One of the greatest things about Big Love is that he is level headed. Constantly reminding me that things will be okay when all I want to do is fly off the handle and have one of my freak outs. We definitely balance each other out! But right now I'm not so sure.

With our recent issues at the border and the realization that our green cards may not go as smoothly as we'd like, Big Love has been taking every chance he can to mention that we might be sent packing with a moments notice. Meanwhile, I'm desperately trying to picture us here, in our home as long as we want to - to be able to leave on our own terms.

I'm worried as to how Big Love's lack of confidence in our situation may cause me to lose my mind. Sweet One and I walked Big Love to work today and as we were walking into the parking lot something came up to which he answered, "then again, we may end up there a year from now" or something like that. I wanted to scream, "you can't lose it on me or I'll go insane and then I'll be the biggest basket-case you've ever seen for the next 10 months!" Instead, I quietly told him that he needs to be positive or we're gonna be screwed.

I need him to be stable for us. I need him to reassure me, not the other way around. This is how it has always been and that is how we are supposed to function as a couple! At least in my brain. I've decided that each day I'm going to take some time to visualize things as we want the outcome to be. Perhaps the universe will agree.

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