Monday, April 12, 2010

After 15 months and 5 days

I've been nursing Sweet One just before she goes to sleep. Because I never used a bottle during the first twelve months of her life, there were moments when I felt like too much was being taken from me, both physically and emotionally. But I was committed to it. I did not want to have to wean her from me and a bottle. I can honestly say I can't remember when the daily feeds came to an end but none of them were difficult. Sweet One simply stopped asking for it, or she wouldn't take any.

For the past month, I've had moments where I've felt that I didn't want to have to nurse before bed anymore but I was continuing because I felt like Sweet One wasn't ready to be weaned from this last feeding. Every night as soon as we left the bathroom for her room, Sweet One would go straight to the nursing pillow and giggle as I lifted her onto my lap. It immediately calmed her down and got her ready for sleep. Lately, I'd be feeding her hoping that soon she would take the lead and show me she didn't want it anymore. I was afraid that weaning her from this feeding would be difficult.

Tonight after her bath she did not go straight for the nursing pillow. She was quite busy combing her wet hair. Following her lead I immediately asked her if she'd like to read books. I was a little nervous that she might change her mind so I read her an extra one and gave her a few more snuggles than usual before asking her if she'd like to go in her crib. She giggled to say "yes, my crib please" and then I kissed her cheek and said good night while she snuggled with her elephant. As much as she's been into full toddlerdom lately, that one feeding gave me my little baby back for a moment. But tonight, I feel like she's a little further from those days. I brushed her cheek with my hand and said an extra "Good night, I love you".

I'm a little sad that maybe I am finished nursing my little girl, but incredibly relieved at how naturally this moment has evolved. My baby girl is growing up much too fast.

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