Doctor Dilemma

My previous pregnancy was full of anxiety, especially in the third trimester, because I had placenta previa. In the end, I couldn't have found myself a more capable, compassionate OB to take care of me and my baby in the situation. Luckily, I was able to carry Sweet One the full 39 weeks which is designated (at least here, I have no idea about anywhere else) for a scheduled C-section.

The first appointment we had with this pregnancy, my OB told us how excited she was to see our name on her list of new pregnancies. It made me feel even happier that she was our doctor but unfortunately, I had no idea that she is ill. At our second appointment I ended up seeing a different doctor without any warning and later that afternoon I learned from my neighbors that my OB was ill. I left that conversation with a feeling that she would not be able to deliver this baby.

Monday afternoon I was outside with Sweet One and at 5:15 Big Love told me I had a phone call from the OB office that I had to return. Unfortunately he told me too late to call that day and so I spent the night with a strong feeling that my doctor would no longer be my doctor and that they stuck with me the only doctor in the office who I felt very uncomfortable with. My fears were confirmed the next morning. I immediately pleaded with the woman on the phone to not leave me with him but at this point she has asked me to see how I feel after my first appointment with him. I agreed.

Just when I finally stopped worrying about our green card, I get to worry about this now. I have spent the last two days trying to figure out a way to advocate for myself that is firm, gracious and successful in convincing whoever I need to that I do not in any way feel comfortable with this doctor. I do not know exactly what it is. When I met him with my first pregnancy I just had a feeling that I was so relieved he wasn't my doctor and then when he had to fill in for my OB and check on me after my C-section, I again was rubbed the wrong way. It may be a lack of bedside manner or the fact that he is male, perhaps even both, but I do not want to have him examine me at all. Nor do I want to be pretty much naked, paralyzed on an operating table with him cutting me open.

Will this office not give me an option and force me to stay with this doctor? I do not know. I guess I'm a little ignorant on what is considered acceptable in this situation. I fully understand that this is not the easiest situation to deal with for the office as much as myself but I desperately hope they will have a fraction of the compassion my previous OB had and let me have another doctor. What is consider acceptable/medically ethical in this situation?

Sucky Sunday

After many weeks, perhaps even a few months, of not going I decided that Sweet One and I would go to church this morning. I had hoped that she'd be manageable for at least part of it, making it to the children's story.

We arrived about 15 minutes early and Sweet One immediately went into her shy mode. If people started talking to her and she didn't know them, she'd scream. I then took her into the choir room where Big Love was rehearsing the choir and it only took a few minutes for her to want her Daddy. More screaming ensued and so I took her out, went to the washroom and then returned when the choir was finished with their warm-up. Sweet One got a quick hug and we went into the sanctuary, joining an elderly couple who are friends of ours. Sweet One did not play shy with them at all but five minutes later she was mad that she couldn't go up to where her Daddy was and so, more screaming. We left for a few minutes and then I thought we'd go back in during a hymn but as soon as she saw her Daddy as we passed the stairs to the choir loft, she started screaming again. I grabbed our things as quickly as I could and we left.

When it came to nap time, I was feeling like crap and exhausted but Sweet One decided to take an hour to get to sleep. No screaming happened here but I sure wanted to! Finally, after I was able to rest for a bit I went to a movie because I needed a break. I saw You Again and while it really wasn't all that original or exciting, it was a much needed mental vacation and the actors were enjoyable to watch.

A whole new view

I hadn't been in a rush considering how little she is but as I drove to Dairy Queen to get myself some Dilly Bars (heartburn cure!) I decided that today was the day I would turn Sweet One's car seat around. At almost 20.5 months I figured it was time. She's not quite 22 pounds yet but I could see her head poking over and she couldn't stretch out her legs. And really, I wanted to look back and to see her face! When we put her in it after I got it set up, the look on her face was priceless.

The grass does look a little greener!

Today I found out that should our green card application be denied, there are two other avenues for us to go about staying in the country for awhile. While I believe that the green card gives us the most freedom to move on to a new location when we are ready, it is good to know that we will not have to pack up and leave on short notice. Quite a load off the ol' shoulders to say the least. Our lawyer is also very confident that Big Love fulfills all of the criteria required for receiving a green card in his current capacity and so he has left me with the feeling that all should be good.

Excuse me while I sigh a breath, or eighteen, of relief!

My Literary Guide

For a number of years now, my choice in books has been strongly influenced by M. Actually, it's probably safe to say it is guided by her! Luckily, I have never disliked a book she has recommended. Her reading is varied and I am always excited to see what might be next when I ask for suggestions. Over the past few years I have especially enjoyed the Canadian authors that she has exposed me to.

When an actual book is passed on to me that she has already read, there are always a few pages that have been dog-eared. As I make my way to those places, I am eager to see if I can understand why she has marked that page. Sometimes I can and sometimes I'm not sure . When I do think that I have figured it out I wonder if that spot would have meant something to me without her guidance.

Currently I'm reading Too Close to the Falls by Catherine Gildiner. A memoir about her childhood growing up on the American side of Niagara falls. A slightly unorthodox childhood in the '50s, I find myself in awe of the story each time I pick it up. It is absolutely delightful with challenging moments woven throughout that gives the reader glimpses of how different our lives can be from one another and how we can be shaped by each person who crosses our path. (I'm excited to have just found out in my Chatelaine magazine that she has just published volume 2!)

This book has more pages dog-eared than any book she has passed on so far! And while M is now 2100 miles away from me rather than 500 (something that I am still having some difficulty adjusting to!) I feel like we are sharing a little moment together when I come upon her special pages.

What's bugging you?

Yes, I stole my title from the Backyardigans because it is the episode Sweet One is watching right now. At one point after "What are we gonna do?" was asked between characters, Sweet One shot up, turned around, put her arms out to the side, faced me and said in a nice high squeak, "Do?" Other versions of this are "mutter mutter do?" It is quite cute and sometimes her repetition of this statement goes on for five minutes or so. It doesn't always have to be prompted by the Backyardigans either.

Now to go and stop her from hitting her head on the tv because she is mad that she doesn't get to watch another one! Oh! Looks like her found her box of 8 crayons and we are about to embark upon an hour or so of taking them in and out of the box. Does that help her fine motor skills?

She thinks I'm a Mokey!

Thursday afternoon after I finally convinced myself to get Sweet One outside for a bit (knowing full well her Dad would be coming home shortly and take over the child care for me!) we stepped outside onto the porch and there was a package. I was very curious about this package because I was not expecting anything from amazon and so I quickly opened it and found a Mokey doll. I pulled up the packing list and it read:

Hi Sweet One. I'm sending you this Fraggle. Her name is Mokey and she always reminds me of your mom...she's the fraggle version of your mom so when you snuggle her it's like snuggling your mom.

I will admit that my first instinct was, is Mokey the winer? What does she do that is annoying? Ridiculous, I know. And now as I've looked up a character description I am completely flattered. I found it on wikipedia:

Mokey represents a highly spiritual and artistic type (she recites poetry, sketches and paints), and usually remains quiet and contemplative, though even she can get annoyed from time to time. She functions as the optimist of the group, trying to see the best in everyone and everything, and comforting her friends when no such "bright side" can be found. According to episode 15, Mokey can make friends quite easily because of her optimistic personality. Though spiritual and serene, Mokey has the dangerous job of procuring radishes from the Gorgs' garden. Mokey has mauve skin and light blue green hair; she wears a greyish brown cardigan. She also wears the pop-top from a soda can as a necklace pendant.*

So I guess I've learned that I can just smile and be thankful that my sister thinks of me in such a cute way! Watching Fraggle Rock was something that we did as kids and whenever I see their DVDs, I look forward to introducing Sweet One to them.

*This description was found in Wikipedia.

The perfect mini vacation

All summer we have wanted to take Sweet One up to the nearest Great Lake to go swimming but every time it was hot enough we figured that it would be too crowded. Today, however, we thought would be different since it was the first day of school. I'm so glad we did.

Despite the strong waves coming into shore, Sweet One managed to play and dance on the wet sand and then venture into the water with us from time to time. It completely killed the sweltering heat that we have been having for the passed few days. Sweet One wasn't afraid of the water at all. I was surprised at how difficult it was for her to walk on the sand - I definitely didn't expect that!.

It was truly a mini-vacation and by the end of it Big Love hardly remembered even being at work today! We finished it up with Tim Horton's chili and McDonald's fries in the car on the way home and then stopped at a local ice cream place to sit on their patio and eat some tasty ice cream. (Unfortunately, I didn't get any pictures because the batteries died as soon as we got there. I hate our camera. The batteries die constantly and it takes forever to get ready to take the next shot after one has been taken. Oh how I wish I could get a new, more reliable one!)