Thursday, September 24, 2009

I am a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad daugther-in-law.

I usually send out a mass email of some pictures of Sweet One. I've decided that rather than doing this every couple of weeks I will do it once a month. Every now and again I'll email my sister, my mom or another friend a picture here and there. I don't do it for my in-laws I guess because I think that Big Love can email them a picture or two in between if he wants to. But today I felt guilty and so got into our email account so that I could send them one.

There was an email from them telling us they got back from a trip which we didn't know they were on which is strange because they will often send us an email and contact info if they are going to be in the bathroom longer than usual. Big Love had even phoned them the other evening to check in with them (funnily enough he says that he does it out of obligation rather than really wanting to call them). Neither of us knew they were gone. But I digress. Their email asked to re-upload a video we have of Sweet One doing the delirious laughter thing babies do because they hadn't seen it due to their trip. At the end of the email it said to let them know how "our little girl is doing". (When we are with them, they make comments about how their other son always calls on Sundays, every week. They must have one of those fancy phones that only has the incoming capacity and not the ability to make outgoing calls.) I do not understand why, but every time they call Sweet One "our little girl/baby" (it first happened when I was pregnant) I want to punch them in the face, tell them she is their grandaughter and not their baby. I don't know why. This primal reaction is immediate and overwhelming - it will probably bug me for the rest of the day. When my mother-in-law calls her "my love" repeatedly I want to take Sweet One away from her. Stranger yet,

I replied to their email: Here is a picture of your Grandaughter. I'm not sure if I still have the file for the video. Then about 15 minutes later I decided to spend the few minutes it takes to re-upload the video and sent them a link: Luckily, it was not accidentally deleted.

I really don't know why they annoy me so much especially when we spend very little time with them. They live so far away that in the 8.5 months Sweet One has been here we have not been around them for a full 2 weeks. While sitting at the dinner of my brother-in-law's wedding (Big Love was up at the head table), my mother-in-law said something about planning a fall trip. I acted like I didn't hear anything and we've heard nothing from them. Honestly, this fall would not work for a visit from them anyway with Big Love's schedule at work. I know I've bitched about the tiny, sheltered world they live in and the eccentricities they have. I need to learn to be more tolerant and accepting.

I think that perhaps part of my issue is that I do not know my in-laws very well. We have always lived quite a distance apart and thus there has not been any foundation for a relationship to be built. I do not feel 100% comfortable around them, yet. The idea of someone stealing my child is terrifying and as lunatical as it seems, when they us terms such as 'our baby' I am afraid of losing her. I want to draw a huge line in the sand and clearly state the facts: that Big Love was their baby and therefore Sweet One is their Grandaughter NOT their baby.

If only I could have a psychologist to explain all of this to me so I could stop being such a loon.

1 comment:

  1. I had very similar feelings for my mother in law. She would refer to Cambry as her girl when I was pregnant with her and it really made me mad. The way she acted, I was really concerned that she would try to steal Cam. It was partly because of my MIL and her craziness and partly because I had horrible post partum depression and I had my own craziness!

    I hope that you are able to one day get along better with your in-laws. It's taken 4 years for me, but I'm finally okay with them when it comes to my daughter and how they treat her. Maybe it will happen sooner for you...


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