Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Falling off the curve

In the end I don't care if I don't do what the books say. If my daughter is happy and healthy then I'm doing a good job. If she is confident and courageous in who she is then I can't ask for more. I want to be a good mom and I want to provide her with what she needs. I believe in my mother's intuition to guide me in many things and what it does not show me then I'll figure them out.

For the past few days I've been wondering if Sweet One needs to be eating more solids. She has stopped sleeping through the night and I've thought that perhaps giving her more in the day would be necessary. I had this on my list for our 9 month checkup that was today. Unfortunately, I didn't even have to refer to the list about this because the doctor was quickly in my face trying to figure out if Sweet One was eating enough solids. I felt like I was on trial. (A slight cultural/language barrier made him sound like he was attacking me more than perhaps he meant to which didn't help me feel completely comfortable.) I admitted I had been conservative out of fear that she would stop breastfeeding. In my defense I was waiting for this appointment to confirm my instinct that she should be getting more solids now. For the past week I was thinking about it constantly. I honestly had no idea at what point solids are supposed to take over as the main caloric source and had been making sure she was not so full as to not want the boob.

The problem here is that when I took her in for her 6 month appointment Sweet One weighed 14lbs8oz. Today she weighed 15lbs4oz. In 3 months she didn't even gain a full pound! Prior to this her weight gain had sat within the 5th to 10th percentile and now she's hanging below the curve altogether. I feel bad. Luckily this is an easy problem to solve and already I have given her much more to eat since the appointment than I regularly would have. Ever since I started Sweet One on solids I have spent a lot of time trying to find out at what point solids should become the main source of calories and I honestly kept coming up with nothing. I'm not an idiot! But I feel like I fucked up.

I know we're going to be ok. As my sister said, "at least you're not trying to feed her and she's refusing. You just need to give her more." It is a simple solution. She will continue to grow and I will continue to learn (and hopefully stop the self-flagellation).


  1. You're an amazing mom who cares about her daughter very very much. Who could ask for more than a mother who will put her needs and cares first?

  2. I'd go with your instincts, but know that babies can get all or most of their calories from breast milk for a long time. Abby (2.5 years) proved that when I was home all summer with her and she ate the equivalent of one meal per day. She thrived and gained weight!

    Best of luck with whatever you do!


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