What I find hardest about this is that it feels like this illustrates how I've been feeling for awhile now. With her ear infection causing her to need me so much, the disrupted sleep (ever since the damn time change) and no time to myself I feel completely incapable of finding myself in a healthy mental state. I am constantly apologizing to the little Bean that is growing inside of me because I feel guilty for giving him/her such a fukked up Mama to grow inside. I can't help feeling that it is unfair for Sweet One to have had what seems to me a much healthier Mama to grow in.
Fortunately, about two minutes after the medicine gong show ended, Sweet One was resting on me and snuggling as if I was on the only one in the world she loved. If I could only forgive myself as quickly then maybe I'd be able to see better days on the other side of this goo that is clouding my vision.