All that matters is what he thinks

I felt fortunate last night to fall asleep almost immediately after my head hit the pillow and staying asleep until 4:15. I didn't go back to sleep and then with Sweet One waking at 5:00 I was up for awhile, desperately hoping that she'd go back to sleep and we could put an end to this gong show of a sleeping habit she's been in since November began. What the hell is it with November and December for her? I was able to get another hour of sleep after Big Love took Sweet One downstairs at 6:20.

I got up at 7:30, showered and got ready to go to MOPS. My second meeting and despite my trepidation about taking part in something lead by fundamental conservation christians, I was looking forward to going somewhere to meet other moms and let Sweet One have some time on her own with kids her age. (The first time I went I cried when I left her in the age appropriate room and she went on to thoroughly enjoy herself!)

When I came downstairs I put The Simpsons Season 8 in a gift bag and told Sweet One to give it to her Daddy and say Happy Birthday. She was very excited and as she handed the bag to him she said, "Happidy!" Big Love was excited to get another season as it is his favorite show.

After MOPS, Sweet One and I came home and had lunch with Big Love. He decided to take today off from work because he didn't want to work on his 30th birthday. I don't blame him at all. After Sweet One was sleeping I tried to rest but couldn't and so I went on some errands. In just under two hours I stopped at 9 different places and while it sounds like a lot was accomplished, it truly wasn't. Frustrating.

After I got home I went upstairs and put Dostoyevsky's The Brothers Karamazov in the same gift bag as before and Sweet One repeated her role. Quite cute. Big Love thought the edition was beautiful and so that gift was a success! (I don't think he's ever read a book written since 1900 as long as I've known him!) We proceeded to just hang out and at one point I got mad at Big Love for not choosing Super Shipper Saving on my Christmas present from amazon. There is nothing more I hate than paying for shipping when I don't have to because I'd rather that go into a bill or another little something for me - wasted money makes me physically ill! Since I knew what my present is, I also knew the shipping would be a little too much.

I went into the kitchen to work on the toppings for Big Love's birthday cheesecake. I lifted the bowl off the plate and was completely flattened when I saw it. It looked like someone stepped on it. (I love cheesecake and there is truly no place in this town where I can go and get anything other than a New York cheesecake and so I am hoping to one day figure out how to make a decent cheesecake. I cried over this one because I was just so disappointed that his cake didn't turn out better. I don't know what I'm doing wrong and I don't know anyone who can give me pointers!) Big Love came to see what was wrong and had a chuckle but said that it will be fine and that it looks delicious. I put the toppings on it and I still feel like it looks like something I find in Sweet One's diaper.

Luckily the dinner I made turned out just as it should have.

We ate some cheesecake before taking Sweet One up for her bath and two hours later I am just finally starting to feel like I can breathe again! There was one more present for Big Love and I carefully had Sweet One cradle it in her arms as she carried a bottle of Vintage Port to him, wrapped beautifully in the paper bag it came in. The look on his face was sheer delight and he said, "this has been a good day".

I had been spending so much of my energy holding myself together as best I could, and feeling like I was failing, that I didn't imagine it could have been a good day for him. But I guess that's all that matters. With very little going on and a few presents spread out throughout the day, my husband will leave his twenties behind him without a regret. He will continue to be the optimist he is, looking forward with hope and more patience for me than I deserve. Despite the fact that he wastes money on shipping, he is truly a great man.

Sweet One went to sleep without any troubles and after doing a short yoga program I have collapsed on the couch where I feel much better. One more catharsis to leave me feeling better than when I started.