Sunday, November 15, 2009

I am woodwork

Lately I've been struggling a bit due to the fact that I haven't gotten out of the house with the purpose of doing something for myself (and only myself) since before October. Seriously. This is NOT GOOD. I'm going mental. Part of the reason I don't get out as often is because, quite frankly, I have no friends to hang out with so what is the point of getting out to hang out with none other than MYSELF? However, going to the movies is amazing for helping me recharge and I need to make a point of getting to the theatre at least twice a month. It will be best for all who live in this house. But I feel like I am woodwork. It sounds stupid, I know. I take care of my child, wear the same fukking clothes all the time because right now we can't afford to get me new ones and do the same thing every day. I'm not exciting, my brain is shrinking and I feel like I am losing a sense of who the hell I am. This is not only due to my daughter but has been happening ever so slowly since we moved to this little town. (Big Love: As you read this post DO NOT feel guilty. I chose to move here just as you did.)

Brainfart #1:
Last year we had the majority of our Christmas shopping done by September. It made this time of year less stressful financially and mentally. In my family, the 'kids' did a gift exchange thing and Big Love got my sister's name. I'm trying REALLY hard to find something original that she will love but I'm not sure I will pull it off. For me, she is the hardest person to shop for because in my eyes, she has everything. I think I've figured out one thing that will be original and then another thing that might not but I hope she'll like having it anyway. (To my sister: As you're reading this, I'm not trying to be bitchy/insulting at all. I just have no clue what you'd like and would desperately like to surprise you.) I drew my sister in law's name and she's easy because I can get her a jock strap for hockey and all will be good. I'm lying. But her wish list makes it pretty easy.

Brainfart #2:
We had a bit of a rough day today with Sweet One. Her rough days are fairly easy to deal with but when the hour of 5:00 approaches and I'm trying to get her dinner ready it's tough because she's pulling at my leg and won't be happy unless I'm holding her. Yes, every mother deals with this but it is still challenging.

Brainfart #3:
I really wanted to enjoy my Bacardi Rum tonight. The stuff that is aged 8 years but a) we don't have it and b) if I were at the store I'd think that we couldn't afford it right now and therefore I don't deserve it. (Wine seems to be giving me a buzz just fine.)

Brainfart #4:
Today I got a message from the author of a blog I read. She started it "Hey Lady!" When I lived in western Canada I had a friend who called me that all the time. It was wonderful to see it in an email again.

Brainfart #5:
Approximately 30 weeks ago I watched a rerun of the episode in Gilmore Girls where Lorelai and Luke kiss for the first time. I decided to continue watching the episodes until the station reached the end of the series. (Did I ever mention I cried while watching the actual series finale?) Then when it stared all over again I decided to watch it from the beginning because I had no idea how many I may have missed. Well, today I got back to the kissing episode and it turns out I missed a few but not as many as I may have missed. I have officially watched every episode of the Gilmore Girls. Big Love asked if I was going to keep watching and I couldn't say no. It's is totally my replacement for not having any girlfriends here. (I know I should shut up but every once in awhile not having a girlfriend in the town I live in can really suck. Some days, more than others.)

My apologies for possibly being annoying and pathetic today but really, that's how I feel. I did get a message back from the phantom phoner. One thing to keep in mind is that he has a liver issue. He's is not all that well and may not ever completely recover so when things go weird with him, it is not just me but his parents who also wonder WTF. Man I miss this kid sometimes.

Sorry about the phone thing, my best guess would be that the keypad was unlocked in my pocket and inadvertently called your number. I am actually alive and well at the moment engaged in the usual doldrums of churning out assignments and papers for my cruel masters.
Other than the universe conspiring to rob you of sleep, hows life?

No comments:

Post a Comment

I would love, love, LOVE to hear from you!