Friday, August 7, 2009

I thought it was all figured out

When Sweet One was swimming around in my tummy, I spent a lot of time reading books and online trying to think of what I thought was the best way to do things. In my brain I had it all figured out. Her pacifier would not become a 'prop' and I would discontinue its use after 4 months. Small cloth diapers were sent to me from my cousin and I spent hours making a larger size. A large percentage of my energy during the third trimester was devoted to this because I was no longer allowed to exercise and I needed something to keep my mind off the negative possibilities of having my placenta completely blocking Sweet One's exit.

There are moments when being a mother is completely humbling because in the blink of an eye everything I thought I had figured out wasn't going to work. Take the pacifier for instance. This child loves, and I mean loves, her soother! Just this afternoon she was sitting on her blanket. The soother sat about two feet away and so she reached. Once she started going over too far she realized that she needed to slow down the imminent face-plant into the floor and so she put down her hands, opened her mouth as wide as she could and let her chin guide her towards the soother. She got it! At 7 months I have a daughter who has figured out what to do when she puts it in backwards and how to find it on the end of the bungee that is attached to the car seat strap. Oh well! If it keeps her happy, so be it.

Diapering has taken a different turn than I had expected, as well. She was so tiny in the beginning that even the newborn size were enormous on her. So we used disposables for quite some time. The diapers my cousin had given me never seemed to work for Sweet One and so we moved to gDiapers. As Sweet One grows there are a fewer number of refills in the packages which means the cost goes up and so I've recently purchased some prefold diapers. I'll see if these work and if they do I'll be both happy and frustrated. I spent a few hundred dollars on supplies for making diapers and countless hours at the sewing machine putting them together. If I really like how the prefolds work, they're good until 30 pounds thus making the time and money spent on the others completely unnecessary! (Now the next task is to figure out which type of laundry detergent to use. woo hoo.)

"Children make a liar out of you quickly." That's what my friend, a woman who has two children only a few years younger than myself, told me when I was first starting to realize that many of my plans were a waste of time. Yes, I do get completely bored with the mundane thoughts that run around my head each day pretending to have some significance (really, two posts now that seem interesting at first but then not so much after they're published). There are days when I feel the only thing different from the day before is the color and consistency of her poop. At times I feel like I have no idea of what I'm doing and just when I'm ready to cry Sweet One smiles, tries to eat my chin or squeals with delight. She may make me rethink everything but there are things that show me what is really important. This beautiful daughter of mine. Life is good, even if it is very lonely at times.

Day 5 is going alright. I have constantly remind myself to put things away sooner than later but having some motivation is helping.

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