Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The other side of the wall

We didn't co-sleep, except when we were on holidays, but until two nights ago Sweet One hadn't slept more than a foot away from me. We had her little bed (a bassinet/playpen) beside our bed and that is where she would spend the majority of the night. I loved listening to her babble as she fell asleep, I found her breathing reassuring and comforting, and in the end I wanted her as close to me as I could.

I kept finding excuses as to why I didn't need to put her in her own bed - this way we only have to have a heater on in one room; I'd rather just grab her out of her bed when I need to feed her at all hours of the night than drag my ass an entire 3 feet to get her out of her crib; it's so much easier to sit up and pop the soother back in her mouth rather than walking into another. If the excuse didn't fit anymore, I'd find another. When it all boiled down to it, I knew I just didn't want to. I hated the idea of her sleeping on the other side of the wall, even if her crib was a mere two feet from it!

I'd been noticing that the bassinet layer, which doubles as a carrier and floor for the entire unit, had started to scoop in the middle. Probably from her becoming heavier and sleeping in the same spot. Now that she was rolling onto her stomach during the night I was concerned that this might cause a problem for her breathing. I was running out of excuses. I tried to ignore it but I knew it was at hand. That time when I finally had to let her sleep in her crib all night. She didn't need help falling asleep at night anymore; she didn't need me as much anymore.

I checked the precautions on the inside of the bassinet. "Do not use this product when the infant begins to push up on hands and knees or weighs over 15 lbs, whichever comes first." That was it. The manufacturer gave me the extra push I needed. Not quite 15 lbs but at any moment she'd be pushing up on her hands and knees (which she started today). To keep her in any longer would be selfish rather than helpful. Her 10:00 feed and diaper change occurred. Usually I would just pop her back in her bed and she'd go right to sleep but since things were changing, I needed to rock her a little bit. So I did. And then I put her in the crib, went to my bed and cried a little. (Ok, my crying was because of other things too, but my baby's growing up! I had just let her go a wee bit.) She slept well through the whole night. I would have too, had it not been so hot.

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