Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Happy Customer

I don't spend a whole lot of money. We have what we need and a little more but we do live on one salary with two kids and so sometimes I worry about money. I worry if the purchase I'm making is going to be my best value, if it is going to last (I hate buying cheap crap that I have to replace) and if we really need it. I also hope that when I do spend some money that companies will stand by their product. On a few occasions I have emailed companies to say that while I have loved their product, things haven't worked quite as well as I'd like.

My Lug bag. I got it from my mom for Christmas. It is big enough to hold all my stuff, a few basic things for the kids but not nearly as big as a diaper bag. I love all the little pockets. But one of the pockets blew it's bottom out. I really didn't stuff too many things in there.

In my letter to their customer service representative, I also mentioned that I envied the Lug bags my sister had before me and was so excited to finally have a few of my own! It had a one year warranty and so I took care of all of the things I needed to do on my end and within a week I had a new one at my door.

About this time last year I started thinking that we needed another humidifier so each of the kids could have one in the room they slept in. We had a Crane Cow  which was working great and so incredibly quiet. A great deal on the Penguin came through during the summer but I didn't grab it then and I was kicking myself that I hadn't. So I stalked it, hoping it would come down in price. We even went away on a little trip and I had my friend stalk it for me. Instead, she just bought us one because she claimed they killed our cheaper and noisier one that I had given them. I thought she was being ridiculous but I was very appreciative of her gift. Unfortunately, it had a strange rattle that happened at different times. I didn't do anything about it because I could prop it up in some way to stop the rattling. The biggest problem was that if that didn't hold and it started rattling in the middle of the night, Sweet One would wake up scared from the noise.

Last Monday night Sweet One was struggling with breathing due to a cold and so we pulled out the penguin. It started rattling like crazy immediately. I spent the next 20 minutes trying to get it to shut up. The next day I emailed and within 15 minutes of sending that email I was working with the representative on whether or not I could get a replacement without a receipt. Today my new Penguin arrived. I am beyond impressed with this service!

So if you'd like a Lug bag that is good shape except for a little blow out, I'll send you my old one!

Set up the humidifier. Sweet One was so excited to have a new penguin and she cried once I realized it made a huge noise as well along with a huge crack in the front. I guess we'll see. On another note, the cow seems to be not working well. Damn hard water, so hard on appliances.

Sunday, September 23, 2012


The other day Sweet One and I were about to read Robert Munsch's, Kiss Me, I'm Perfect! We both love Munsch's books and I've been slowly been getting each and every one of them from the library and we're enjoying it immensely.

"What book do you want to read?"
"Kiss Me, I'm Perfect!"
"Yes you are," and I planted a kiss on her cheek.
"I don't want to be perfect.
"Do you just want to be Sweet One?"
"Yes. But I'd still love to have a kiss!"

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Sad Sack

There's been a chunk of things running through my brain lately that have to do with Little Man going to sleep, my first appointment back with my counselor, preparing clothes for a consignment sale and a new CD I have that I love which has also surprised me .... but in the end I've been kicked onto my ass by a nasty sinus cold. Big Love can not remember the last time I was this sick. I'm not joking when I say the Sweet One watched tv nearly all day yesterday. Every time I cough I feel like I'm losing part of my esophagus. And so tonight I will again retire to the couch and lie there like a sad sack of something. I will drink two packages of my "Wal-Flu Severe Cough and Cold" (where is the Neo-Citran in this country?!) while watching Parenthood plus a few more shoes and then hopefully go to sleep slightly drugged as I did last night. (Holy shit the typos I've had in this post! Time to stop!)

Friday, September 14, 2012

Permanent Failure

Despite the fact that I stopped calling and talking to my Dad on a regular basis, I did include him on every email I sent out that had pictures and youtube links of the kids. It was the only way I included him in my daily life. I haven't sent any pictures out since before his accident because of the fact that I knew I'd get his back and I couldn't take his name off of the group I created for these mailings. Sweet One was singing one of her improv songs that was called "Missing Uncle [name]" and Little Man was goofing around with her. So I videoed it. It was one of those things that are simple basic stuff kids do but those who love them find them priceless. So I sent the link and got the email returned from my Dad's address.

A few moments ago I went to take his name off of the list but I can't do it. I've been so close to crying throughout the past few days and I've come up dry. Perhaps I'm 'all cried out'. As I stared at the screen and could not make myself hit the spot that would delete his address it all came back. It's kind of nice to have the release but it still hurts.

For now, I'll try to send out pictures a little more and just let the emails come back to me screaming, Permanent Failure.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012


For most of the time since little man was born 17.5 months ago I never slept through the night. I'd be lucky if I could get 4 or 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Most of the time I'd have a few awakenings that last only long enough to see the clock and go back to sleep along with one more full awakening where I got up to use the bathroom. I was exhausted but found some way to manage. Isn't parenthood based on the premise that you will never again get a good night's sleep?

In the week or so that Little Man has been in his own room I am sleeping better. Strange! Perhaps some of my awakenings was from him making noise as he moved around in his sleep or farted in the night. I have no idea. I just love the fact that I am sleeping a little bit better and last I night I think I may have gotten 7.5 hours of sleep. No wake ups!

(You know your life is a little boring when this feels like big news.)

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

In Remembrance

I sang this years ago in my college choir. Today the first phrase had been going through my mind and I asked a friend if he remembered where it was from and then he sent me this link.

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle morning rain.
And when you wwake in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I did not die.

Monday, September 10, 2012


One of the nights when I was back home my brother took Big Love and I up to my Dad's house. I hadn't ever been in it, didn't even know where it was because he had moved there some time after my last visit.

It was located just a mile or two from town and the view was beautiful. He showed me the land that had finally become his six months previous after renting it for a year or two and the shop where 'it all happened'. Seeing the shop made me happy. Because I could tell he was happy in it building the beautiful things that he did. There was so much space for my Dad to build his things and lots of light coming in. My brother had bought him some cushioned squares to put in the places where he spent most of his time standing and from what he said, my Dad couldn't get over how much more comfortable it was to stand on them rather than the hard concrete floor.

When I walked into the house I was surprised. The cabinets looked similar to what mine did when I moved into this house 6 months ago. I can honestly say that I was a little sad at the state of things considering he had built beautiful cabinets for everyone else but couldn't afford to build them for himself. (He did build gorgeous cherry wood cabinets for the house we grew up in.) The rest of the house needs a lot of work, too. But it will get that work done just before my sister and her family move into it. I can totally understand why they want to move in.

On a cabinet just when you walk into the house there was a small tape recorder. Those old ones with the itty bitty tapes. I took it and started fast forwarding and playing, forwarding and playing, forwarding and playing. In my head I started getting frantic. "What the fuck do I think I'm going to find?" I said out loud. His voice. I know I wanted to hear his voice one more time. And if I'm really honest I wanted to hear him talking to me, telling me he was sorry that he wasn't able to be more of the father and build a bridge for us to meet on. Dad, why was it so hard for you to listen to me and talk to me? I only wanted to be heard and loved.

My sister found Wally Lamb's book The Hour I First Believed in my Dad's house even before I got there. I loved his other books and since my sister kept my Dad's copy I ordered my own shortly after getting back from our trip. (She would have sent it to me but I wanted to get reading it as soon as possible.) For the most part I spent the kid's nap/quiet time in the afternoon reading it a chapter or so at a time with coffee that my sister had sent with me in a cup she had given me clasped in my hand. I read every page carefully and here again I found myself looking for something. My Dad hadn't gotten very far in the book, maybe only a chapter or two, but there was part of me that hoped I would find something on the pages that would speak to me, that would help all of this hurt go away and leave only peace in its wake. And miraculously give me some answers as to why our relationship had to be so damn hard. I know part of it was my fault, but I got so sick and tired of being hurt, Dad, that I just had to stop. And I'm sorry for that, but it was all I knew how to do. Now I hurt in such a different way and it won't stop either.

Everywhere I turn these days I'm hoping something will help all of this make sense. If it could come all at once and make everything crystal clear... well, it won't and if I'm lucky I'll get little pieces here and there that will eventually show me a bigger picture. For now nothing makes any sense. And I'm trying to be ok with that.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

A rose by any other name

Hot stuff, beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, love ... just some of the names by which Big Love calls me. Of my little list there, the last one is the only one I really believe. (When we first started dating he called me 'baby' but I put an end to that quickly.) So sometimes I bug him and make comments that he doesn't know my name or can't pronounce it. Then he says it. And it sounds so strange and awkward coming from his mouth. He's even tripped over it a few times. I don't know why this has been bothering me so much lately, but it has. Sometimes I don't feel like I know who I am; I don't feel like myself and I'm a little lost. Maybe my brain is weaving that into the whole name thing and making a bigger deal out of this than it needs to. For some reason it has been bothering me more and more lately. I want scream something but I'm not sure what. I guess it's a good thing that I'll start seeing my counselor in a week from tomorrow!

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

17 months with a baby in the room

So Little Man has been sleeping in our room until Labor Day. Yup, for 17 months our boy has been sharing a room with his Mum and Dad. I keep making a little list in my head as to why in case people asked. So here it is. There's probably a bunch of other reasons that are completely unbeknownst to me.
  1. When my babies were wee, it was much easier than having to go to a different room and get them for their middle of the night feedings.
  2. Our room is ridiculously oversized in comparison to the other rooms. There was still room to spare with a full size crib, two large dressers and my hopeless chest (my Dad made it for me and that's what he called it).
  3. I needed a space to do yoga and my exercise videos.
  4. For some reason, it's a bit drafty in the room. It's located right above our little mudroom and the front door so that probably has a lot to do with it. It's also one of the hottest rooms in the summer. Wanted to keep him in with us in case we needed to get our one air conditioner going during the summer heat waves.
  5. My sister was supposed to come and visit so I was going to use that third room for them.
  6. I was really hoping that I'd be able to move Little Man in with Sweet One so they could share a room but it just hasn't gotten to the point where I think it is going to work. Perhaps when he's ready for a big kid bed I will get them some bunk beds and they can share when he's a little older.
  7. I absolutely loved hearing him laugh in his sleep when I was wide awake in the middle of the night.
  8. Listening to him breathe helped me to relax.
  9. I liked having him close and since he's my last baby (as far as I can control) I probably had a harder time letting him go.
  10. Having him sleeping five feet from me on the other side of a wall is just too damn far! (Yes, I'm very good at being a drama queen from time to time.)
  11. Birth Control! (see number 8) Big Love can't get too amorous when there's a sleeping baby a few feet away! (I called it Cribena instead of Mirena because I'm just so funny.)
Ok. So once I actually had him sleeping in his own room it really wasn't such a big deal. There was a lot of cleaning involved in the move and I spent the little spare time I had on Labor Day sweating upstairs while I moved things around. (It's been incredibly humid here lately. The western girl in me expects things to feel much cooler once September 1st hits!)