It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas (I hope!)

We only have two more Advent presents to open up! Sweet One has really enjoyed reading the stories and eating the chocolates. Christmas is almost here and everyone in this little family is enjoying it as best we can.

Sweet One has slept passed 630 for four days in a row - the last two it was 700! She's been acting a little funny the past two days and I think she's fighting something off and so I hope it doesn't make Christmas too much for her. We decorated the tree yesterday and with each 'ormament' she saw there were oooh's and ahhh's. A nice way to feel the magic of the season through a little one's eyes. After her nap yesterday afternoon, she came downstairs, knelt by the tree and just looked at it. Lots of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, A Charlie Brown Christmas and lots of other television specials have been watched. It's been fun!

Little Man has given me 4 days of decent sleep and so I am feeling the best I've felt in a month or so. He's so busy these days. I think it is time to put away the exersaucer because he really doesn't like staying put. Constantly pulling himself up to standing and grabbing everything that he can see. I'm feeling much busier making sure there is nothing dangerous for him. He does tumble every now and then but we're both surviving with no major injuries! I was worried about putting up the tree but he hasn't reached for it at all - maybe we'll be able to keep it up for more than a few days!

Big Love won't be able to spend much time with us until the afternoon of Christmas Day. I'm having trouble not feeling lonely about this. I married the guy knowing this would happen each and every year, unless he decides to change career paths, but up until Sweet One was born I was involved in all the church stuff, too. I'm going to watch Crazy, Stupid, Love once the presents are under the tree and the stockings have been stuffed. I also think I'll make some mulled wine. Eventually the kids will be bigger and they'll be involved with the happenings at church, too, so it won't feel like we're at home on our own.

We managed to keep to a small budget for Christmas but that hasn't stopped the gifts from piling up. I did want to buy a little more for the kids but there was no point after everything that our family has bought for them! It is really insane and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by how much they will have. I'll be curious to see if Sweet one wants to go through all the presents as fast as possible or play with each one a little like she did last year. Luckily we'll all be together until around 1030 so we can enjoy some time opening them up together.

I did end up getting a new iPod nano! It showed up today and I'm so excited!

I've been having some troubles feeling like it is Christmas. There is no snow on the ground but we did have some flakes in the sky for awhile this morning. With each little moment that Sweet One becomes enraptured by what she sees, I'm feeling a little bit more of what it is all about.

Merry Christmas! I hope that yours has many moments that make the season magical.

My definition of a Lenten Discipline

Why does everyone think that Lent means deprivation? Yes, I know that some denominations require people to not eat certain foods, but the idea of a Lenten Discipline is not only about 'giving up' something. It can also mean adding something into your daily life.

The first time that I ever implemented a Lenten discipline into my life was the year we got pregnant with Sweet One. Big Love and I decided to do The Book of Common Prayer's Morning Prayer together every morning. We were on a role and it really started to mean something. The only reason I didn't finish it was because I ended up on the other side of the continent caring for my elderly Grandfather who passed away while I was there.

The first time I heard of a Lenten discipline, despite being raised by a pastor, was during my second or third year of University. I attended a private University that at that time was a institution of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in Canada. I attended chapel services regularly on Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings, as well as once in awhile on a Tuesday or Thursday right before supper. Quite honestly, the latter services always ended up going too long for me and I'd be sick from hunger each time so they were not a common occurrence for me. At some point in Lent the Chaplain told us his Lenten discipline that year was to walk to work every day and make sure that his path took him through the graveyard. He said that it gave him a time for reflection very different than other times in the day. Hearing his story about his walk has stayed with me for the past ten years. *

I believe that a Lenten Discipline is something that gives you time to reflect on your spirituality; developing a deeper understanding of God's presence in your daily life. It doesn't always have to be something that breaks you from addictions such as caffeine or chocolate, as those are some of the most common ones I've heard people mention. Giving up consumables is not the only option.

I do not remember the last time I went to church. Sweet One only wants to get to the front of the church and sit at the organ with her Daddy. I have struggled with my personal sense of spirituality since I moved to this town. I'm giving up sleep on a regular basis for Lent this year! Ha! I mean, I'm almost 36 weeks pregnant and will have this baby cut out of me in three weeks and a few days so my challenge is to do absolutely everything I can to keep myself together and be the best mom I can be. Stating my belief in what a Lenten Discipline is just my opinion and at this point it, unfortunately, is not an opinion that I put into practice.

*Hey T, were you there that day shadowing your Dad for "Take your kid to work day?" Or perhaps it was one of your older siblings.

A sermon in defense of toddlers

I'll be the first to admit that I do not go to church regularly. Yes, my husband works in a church but right now I go more out of obligation than a genuine desire to be a part of the congregation. Usually we sit about three or four pews from the front on the outside with friends of ours. Then again, to say that we sit through the service is a complete misnomer. Sweet One is constantly on the move and I have no desire to try and restrain her. If I did, I know that there would be nothing but screaming. Following her around the sanctuary is also one reason why we don't go every Sunday - I do not like feeling so conspicuous and constantly chasing her is exhausting. (Even as a child I wished I could be more invisible during the service but as a PK, that is nearly impossible.) I don't know how many times members of the choir and the church have come up to me and said, "I love how you let her freely roam" and the congregation's smiles when she has made her presence known does help me feel better.

After not being at church for a few weeks and knowing that I won't be going next week, I decided to go today. (I just finished sewing Sweet One a seersucker dress that had to be shown off!)

For the summer, our church has decided to go to one service instead of two and this week was a bit different in that the young man who was in charge of the day camp over the past week or two did the sermon. Because of these two things the pews were quite full and with us arriving just as church started there were no aisle seats to be had so I sat at the back with the ushers. (There we go, I'm pretending that I will actually occupy my seat again!) It ended up being a great place to sit because there was a big open space for Sweet One to walk around in and do her thing. Every once in awhile she would make a noise but nothing that was unacceptable.

During a hymn Sweet One danced in circles and laughed. Halfway through the hymn I noticed an older woman shaking her head in frustration at Sweet One's sounds. At first I felt like I should silence her as a lumpy feeling showed up in my stomach. But then I reminded myself of how much this congregation loves her and that this poor old, cranky lady is the first to ever negatively react to Sweet Ones presence in church. A short while later as the young man finished up his sermon he said something along the lines of: "The next time you're in church and a toddler is making noise behind you, relax! At least there are children in the church. And the children are the future of this church." Of all the defensive lines I had running through my head, this definitely said it the best.

(As we left the church the friends who sit in the front said they didn't even hear Sweet One so she really couldn't have been that loud!)

As she walks

I believe that my job as a mother is to prepare my child to be able to firmly stand on her own two feet. As I watched her today, walking everywhere she possibly could, I couldn't help but get a few tears in my eyes. At times she would walk straight for me and then veer off to somewhere else. It made my heart ache a little to think that there was something else more exciting than me! She looks too little to be walking already; it's too soon. I want to be able to protect her as long as I can but I know there are things she will have to do on her own. I let her walk wherever she wanted. Sometimes I was close by and at other times I watched from a distance as she plopped down on her bum and then got back up with courage and determination. Learning to do this on her own and trusting herself to do it. She knew that with every step she took she was accomplishing something. Words fail me as I recall the beaming look on her face. Thank God these are not the steps that will take her from me as she leaves the nest.

That is what I want to remember today by. Not the fussing that happened when she wasn't walking; the food thrown on the floor, the whining and all the behavior that is so out of the ordinary for her. I'm hoping the teeth will break through soon! (Little fukkers.)

I also do not want to remember today by the fear that is gnawing at my stomach as we await a decision that will have to be made due to someone else's error in the payroll at church. It has the potential to kick our asses.

Life-giving waters

We met with the pastor who will be baptizing Sweet One yesterday. I am constantly amazed at his ability to, in such a precise way, connect the historical basis and present relevance of what is said and done within a church. Needless to say, Sweet One's baptism will be perfect and beautiful. I am so glad we chose to do it this way.

To further challenge myself with my separation anxiety I almost left the house this evening for awhile! Unfortunately, the person I wanted to meet up with is at work for the evening and so I will be staying in. But I think my decision to go was definitely a step in the right direction.

and off we go, again

Tomorrow morning we need to the leave the house by 8am to get to the airport. Twelve hours later we will arrive in Seattle and following that we will get our rental car and drive to our hotel in Mount Vernon. I hope Sweet One is alright. On our previous trip we realized that even if she is dead tired she is usually ok as long as she can see her Mama - which is also why most of her hardcore screaming is done when I am driving the car. Luckily the next day won't be as long in the car and she'll get to go on her first Ferry ride to Victoria.

I haven't spent the last week not sleeping from the stress of this trip, thank God! I do think that having a trip previous to this one has given me some confidence in knowing that I know what to pack and that I'll be able to handle this. There are a few very long travel days ahead (both by air and land) but hopefully we'll all survive.

Sweet One is going to be baptized while we are on our trip. When I was doing my undergrad degree I became very close with the chaplain and his family. Since my undergrad he and his family has moved to Victoria, which is Big Love's hometown, and so she will be baptized by him. I am also very happy that some very special people in my life have agreed to be her Godparents and are flying in for the occasion. At a time in our lives when we feel quite isolated from those who are closest to us, Big Love and I can not be happier that Sweet One will be surrounded by dear friends and family on her baptism day. (And the fact that her head will atually get wet in the midst of beautiful liturgy - something that would not happen here!)