Renewed

It was getting to the point that I just wasn't sure if I was going to be able to hold things together much longer. After a long time of no time without my kids nearby my anxiety levels were too high, I was moody and I just felt completely depleted. There wasn't much left of me anymore.

Luckily, the discount theater that is about a 13 minute walk from my house was playing The Descendants at a perfect time for me to go yesterday afternoon. I was only a little sad to give up a beautiful afternoon with record highs because I needed this time so much.

I'd never been to our discount theaters before because the schedule never worked out but I'm glad it did this time. For the first two blocks I ran through a list of things I should have told Big Love - where his hat was, how to strap him into the new wagon, don't forget the sunscreen. (For a brief moment I thought of running back home to tell him!) Then I stopped. There was no point. Big Love may not think of everything the way I do but he figures it out his own way. I spent the last chunk of my walk breathing and enjoying the sun. I got to the theater and I was the only paying customer for The Descendants. The theater barely held 100 people in 7 rows and the screen was only about a third of the size of newer theaters but I loved it.

As I walked back out into the sunshine I felt like a new woman. When I was a block from home I saw Big Love pulling the kids in their new wagon that arrived the day before. Little Man wasn't strapped in tight enough (Big Love didn't realize the crotch strap was there), nor did he have a hat on in the bright sun but he was happy looking around from his new perch. Sweet One was excited as she jumped out of the wagon and hugged me then continued to run ahead of us.

Part of me is surprised how different I feel today, while the other part is just reminded of how important it is for me to get some time alone that has nothing to do with being a mom. I used to go to movies a couple times a month but have only been to one since Little Man was born two weeks short of one year ago.

I hope this is enough to get me through being a single mom for a few days!

Huh? It's Oscar Night?

One of my favorite things to do is go to a matinee by myself. Some may find it pathetic, but I loved going and, more often than not, having the theater almost to myself. I would go at least once a month for awhile but since Little Man has been born I've only gone once.

We used to go through three or four movies a month. Now I'm lucky if I can get one movie.

I have no clue what's going on for the Oscars. I just googled "Oscars Nominees 2012" and that is the only reason I know anything. And really, I don't know anything because I have no clue about most of the movies up for awards. I added them all to my netflix list. As if I'll get to them any time soon!

I'm hoping that once Little Man is down to one nap a day I can go see a movie a little more regularly. I miss having that time for myself.

I haven't had any time for myself in 2.5 weeks.

Instead of watching the Oscars, I'm going to watch a movie. We've had 50/50 sitting on our shelf for at least two weeks, if not three.

Two kids is sure a lot different than one. Good thing I don't want three!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas (I hope!)

We only have two more Advent presents to open up! Sweet One has really enjoyed reading the stories and eating the chocolates. Christmas is almost here and everyone in this little family is enjoying it as best we can.

Sweet One has slept passed 630 for four days in a row - the last two it was 700! She's been acting a little funny the past two days and I think she's fighting something off and so I hope it doesn't make Christmas too much for her. We decorated the tree yesterday and with each 'ormament' she saw there were oooh's and ahhh's. A nice way to feel the magic of the season through a little one's eyes. After her nap yesterday afternoon, she came downstairs, knelt by the tree and just looked at it. Lots of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, A Charlie Brown Christmas and lots of other television specials have been watched. It's been fun!

Little Man has given me 4 days of decent sleep and so I am feeling the best I've felt in a month or so. He's so busy these days. I think it is time to put away the exersaucer because he really doesn't like staying put. Constantly pulling himself up to standing and grabbing everything that he can see. I'm feeling much busier making sure there is nothing dangerous for him. He does tumble every now and then but we're both surviving with no major injuries! I was worried about putting up the tree but he hasn't reached for it at all - maybe we'll be able to keep it up for more than a few days!

Big Love won't be able to spend much time with us until the afternoon of Christmas Day. I'm having trouble not feeling lonely about this. I married the guy knowing this would happen each and every year, unless he decides to change career paths, but up until Sweet One was born I was involved in all the church stuff, too. I'm going to watch Crazy, Stupid, Love once the presents are under the tree and the stockings have been stuffed. I also think I'll make some mulled wine. Eventually the kids will be bigger and they'll be involved with the happenings at church, too, so it won't feel like we're at home on our own.

We managed to keep to a small budget for Christmas but that hasn't stopped the gifts from piling up. I did want to buy a little more for the kids but there was no point after everything that our family has bought for them! It is really insane and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by how much they will have. I'll be curious to see if Sweet one wants to go through all the presents as fast as possible or play with each one a little like she did last year. Luckily we'll all be together until around 1030 so we can enjoy some time opening them up together.

I did end up getting a new iPod nano! It showed up today and I'm so excited!

I've been having some troubles feeling like it is Christmas. There is no snow on the ground but we did have some flakes in the sky for awhile this morning. With each little moment that Sweet One becomes enraptured by what she sees, I'm feeling a little bit more of what it is all about.

Merry Christmas! I hope that yours has many moments that make the season magical.

Sweet One's Interpretations

Lately I have been captivated by how much Sweet One seems to be interpreting. I put Elmo in Grounchland on for her to see if it would scare her as it did a number of months ago and I am happy to say that it doesn't. (Part of me is gauging whether it may be possible to take her to the movie theater since I absolutely love going to movies myself!) She is definitely understanding what is going on in the story as she shouts "Find Elmo!" and tries to dance with the same motions that Vanessa Williams does. A few moments ago she shouted out words that I didn't understand but with an expression that clearly showed her concern for Elmo.

She is also expressing her understand when reading books. I recently took a book called But No Elephants out of the library because I loved it as a kid. Sweet One will 'help' me read spots where she knows what is going to be happening after only having it at home for five days. When we read You Are Special she imitates the poses she sees some of the characters doing. Another book that she was addicted to for a week or so was The Giving Tree. The last time we read it she started calling out "Apples!" and then "House!.....Boat!" etc, identifying the correct order of what the boy/man demands from the tree before I was even reading the words myself.

In the car we've been listening to the third volume of the Glee soundtrack and over the past few days Sweet One has been singing the chorus to Lady Gaga's Poker Face. I am constantly amazed at this and think it is the cutest thing in the world. She's not just singing one small part but is singing out one line after the other.

Oh how this little girl of mine never ceases to amaze me! Bit by bit she is telling us what is going on in her mind and I love every minute of it. Now if only she could do more of that when a tantrum is upon us.

Interpreting Time

You will never hear me say "the book was SO much better than the movie" or vice versa because when it comes down to it they are two completely different mediums and each have their own abilities. I adored the Time Traveler's Wife. I've read it twice. The second time I read it I saw a name in it and knew I would one day have a child by that name. (It wasn't a wish or a hope, it was something being struck within me that revealed a truth.)

Today Big Love took the afternoon off because he will be at work in the evening and I decided that it was about time I took a few hours off. I have not left Sweet One for that long before but knew that it was time. I saw the movie and in my opinion the movie was absolutely beautiful! I am not a critic and nor do I pretend to be but I really think that the movie was able to interpret the important parts of the book and make something wonderful.

When I got home it was clear that Sweet One was excited to have me back. When I held her she rested her head on my shoulder for the first time. It was great to go and have some time for myself and to come home to a baby who was both fully content with her Dad but ecstatic to have me home. (And it was good for Big Love to get some confidence in his ability to care for his daughter when I'm not reachable!)