We've been hit with a snowstorm about a month earlier than is the norm for this part of the country. I love the beauty of snow ... how it covers everything in a soft blanket as it sleeps, waiting for the spring. It sparkles and as my daughter keeps reminding me, it surrounds us with snow fairies that we can see only if we believe.
Despite all the beauty of winter I'm frustrated that my running outdoors season has been cut short by almost a month. I love getting outside and running. I was just starting to get past some of my injuries that started last April and seemed to plagued me incessantly, my body trying to explain to me something that is going on which I have yet to understand. I have a 5k on December 7th. It is the same 5k that was my very first ever last year. I want to do well. I want to kick ass at it. Not getting out to run for the next week makes me fear I am not going to do well.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I have all the fixin's ready for dinner. It will be just the four of us, again. It feels lonely. Another time of year when it is impossible for us to be with family. Sweet One is so absolutely excited about tomorrow and the fact that it is almost December. She can't say December without sounding like she is telling me the most magical secret in the entire world. I need to continue to look with her eyes when things are hard.
Ever since moving to this country I have always felt like Thanksgiving is a big celebration that starts off the Christmas season. In Canada, Thanksgiving is just Thanksgiving. That is our focus. But within a few hours of filling up on everything we are supposed to be thankful for, a large portion of the population down here will line up on the cold sidewalk only to barge into a store with their elbows out, fighting almost to the death for that next great deal. I saw neighbours returning home last year after a night of no sleep and a day of crowds. They looked like they had been hit by a truck! I don't really understand it.
When all is said and done, I miss my Dad. On December 15th he would have been a whopping 64 years old. Sure, we would have made jokes, but his candles would never set off the fire extinguisher. So maybe everything right now is all about that loss. Another year when he will be missing from the home of my siblings. A miracle might have happened that perhaps we would have found a way to mend the bridge and maybe he could have been missing from my home at this time of year, but I don't know. "...a miracle is just a shift in perception."
And so again I will take it all breath by breath. Learning to be compassionate and gentle with myself and trying to be open to the Divine Guidance I will be given so that I can see the beauty in all of this.
Showing posts with label whatsimportant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label whatsimportant. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Sunday, August 18, 2013
A Red Dwarf Campion for my Dad
We arrived home a week ago. I've wanted to type and try to process all that happened on our two week trip that covered 3,512.1 miles but I haven't been able to. There was so much that happened. t wasn't the colossal gong show I had expected it to be. It was what it needed to be and there were many beautiful moments that I am holding onto dearly. (I'm now no longer afraid of long car trips with small kids!)
On the day that we buried my father I was surround by a family I had tried not to connect with for many years because connecting with them meant connecting with my Dad. And really, that never went the way I'd hope it would so what was the point? He didn't understand me or listen to me so why would they. But they loved me and my family. My sister and I talked about how we never felt that cared for and loved by extended family like that before. "Don't knock. This is your home while you're here. You need anything, just come in and take it or ask if you can't find it." That was what my Dad's youngest brother told me within minutes of arriving on the farm. Strangely enough, when I looked at him I saw my Dad looking at me.
My counselor told me that after we buried my father I might feel a sense of relief. But I didn't. I wanted to so desperately but it didn't come. I sat on the ground with Little Man in my lap only a few feet from the hole where the wooden box that contained the ashes would be placed. The headstone a few more feet past that. It was a short service but I cried through the whole thing. At one point the Pastor nodded to my brother who then took the box and placed it in the hole. I felt my entire torso start to shake and I thought was going to scream. I wanted to sob. I was in awe of my brother who could do that without falling down himself. I reached over and held the hand of my cousin who was sitting beside me with her son in her lap and I felt a little better. I sat there for awhile hoping that a wave of relief would come over me. My Grandma walked up to the headstone and said in a strong, even tone, "Well, goodbye my son. 'Til we meet again." I wanted to be able to say my own version of that but no matter how long I sat there, it didn't come. I think I was one of the last to leave.
For the rest of the day and the day after that we were surrounded by such a great love. I felt home in a place that I never understood. The farm was amazing. Sweet One spent hours each day running with her cousins and having the greatest time. Little Man was usually close to Big Love or I but he still had fun in his own way. We were taken out in boats, fed food and spent hours around a campfire. I thought that maybe as I was surrounded by his mother, and sister that perhaps I would start to feel a bit of peace.
I didn't want to leave the farm. I felt at home there in a way I never thought I would. We had to leave to meet with Big Love's family. My sister had left the farm a few minutes before us and it seems she had the same idea that I had. I left the kids and Big Love at the car and walked towards the grave. My sister and her family were saying good bye and so I stayed back and watched them. After they were done my sister stayed with me a bit and I tried so hard again to be able to say goodbye but I couldn't. I was scared it would never come.
A few days later as we started the five days back to where we live we stopped at the cemetery once again. This time I carried with me a Dwarf Red Campion. The kids were very excited to plant this for "Grandpa's Special Place". I felt like finally I found something I could do for him. I dug into the dirt that was filling the small hole and pulled out as much as I could to make room for this plant, threw in some food and then proceeded to plant it. The kids helped me every step of the way. We made sure the peacock feathers my niece and nephew had placed there remained standing tall, watered it so it could begin to grow and said our goodbyes. "I miss Grandpa," my Sweet One said. The four of us standing there, leaving kisses on the headstone. Together my little family helped me say my first goodbye. Finally, I felt like the first seed of peace was planted inside of me.
I'm not too optimistic but I really hope that little flower will bloom for my Dad every year.
On the day that we buried my father I was surround by a family I had tried not to connect with for many years because connecting with them meant connecting with my Dad. And really, that never went the way I'd hope it would so what was the point? He didn't understand me or listen to me so why would they. But they loved me and my family. My sister and I talked about how we never felt that cared for and loved by extended family like that before. "Don't knock. This is your home while you're here. You need anything, just come in and take it or ask if you can't find it." That was what my Dad's youngest brother told me within minutes of arriving on the farm. Strangely enough, when I looked at him I saw my Dad looking at me.
My counselor told me that after we buried my father I might feel a sense of relief. But I didn't. I wanted to so desperately but it didn't come. I sat on the ground with Little Man in my lap only a few feet from the hole where the wooden box that contained the ashes would be placed. The headstone a few more feet past that. It was a short service but I cried through the whole thing. At one point the Pastor nodded to my brother who then took the box and placed it in the hole. I felt my entire torso start to shake and I thought was going to scream. I wanted to sob. I was in awe of my brother who could do that without falling down himself. I reached over and held the hand of my cousin who was sitting beside me with her son in her lap and I felt a little better. I sat there for awhile hoping that a wave of relief would come over me. My Grandma walked up to the headstone and said in a strong, even tone, "Well, goodbye my son. 'Til we meet again." I wanted to be able to say my own version of that but no matter how long I sat there, it didn't come. I think I was one of the last to leave.
For the rest of the day and the day after that we were surrounded by such a great love. I felt home in a place that I never understood. The farm was amazing. Sweet One spent hours each day running with her cousins and having the greatest time. Little Man was usually close to Big Love or I but he still had fun in his own way. We were taken out in boats, fed food and spent hours around a campfire. I thought that maybe as I was surrounded by his mother, and sister that perhaps I would start to feel a bit of peace.
I didn't want to leave the farm. I felt at home there in a way I never thought I would. We had to leave to meet with Big Love's family. My sister had left the farm a few minutes before us and it seems she had the same idea that I had. I left the kids and Big Love at the car and walked towards the grave. My sister and her family were saying good bye and so I stayed back and watched them. After they were done my sister stayed with me a bit and I tried so hard again to be able to say goodbye but I couldn't. I was scared it would never come.
A few days later as we started the five days back to where we live we stopped at the cemetery once again. This time I carried with me a Dwarf Red Campion. The kids were very excited to plant this for "Grandpa's Special Place". I felt like finally I found something I could do for him. I dug into the dirt that was filling the small hole and pulled out as much as I could to make room for this plant, threw in some food and then proceeded to plant it. The kids helped me every step of the way. We made sure the peacock feathers my niece and nephew had placed there remained standing tall, watered it so it could begin to grow and said our goodbyes. "I miss Grandpa," my Sweet One said. The four of us standing there, leaving kisses on the headstone. Together my little family helped me say my first goodbye. Finally, I felt like the first seed of peace was planted inside of me.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
If that aint love...
Yesterday morning was a typical morning. After I fed Little Man, Big Love took him from me and changed his insanely wet diaper. He'd already been tending to Sweet One since she woke up around 6:30 and so he was much more functional than I was. I could already tell it was going to be a beautiful day because the sun was already shining! I did a few morning things and then went to do my little workout. (Good lord I couldn't get through the express 1st trimester workout very well. Frustrating.) It probably ends up taking a little more than half an hour by the time I've gotten dressed and then added a few more stretches, but usually I'm done by around 815. Then I hit the shower and get dressed. During all this time, Big Love has fed Little Man his breakfast and Sweet One has been entertained. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "Dance, Daddy, Dance!" as her Tangled music plays over and over. Around 845 or so Big Love brings up Little Man (then again, a lot of times the kids have made it upstairs at some point during my work out or shower) and gives him a diaper change. Once I'm done, I feed the kid and get him napping.
A little out of the ordinary was time for sledding. The sun was shining and the kids didn't get outside at all on Sunday so Big Love asked me if I had a show I could watch on the DVR and proceeded to take Sweet One outside to play. I enjoyed Pan Am (what is with showing shows out of sequence? Seriously!), had a little quiet and considered doing the dishes just as the two returned from sledding.
Once all of the winter wear was off Big Love had to kill some time because his socks were wet and Little Man, still asleep in our room, couldn't be disturbed. So Big Love took care of the dishes.
Later on in the day I noticed two stick pins on top of the mantel. My guess is that Big Love found them on the floor, remnants of my sewing gong show, and put them up there so that the kids wouldn't be injured.
This was humbling to me. While I'm not trying to nag or make him feel like, I rarely miss an opportunity to point mistakes like this out to him, making sure they don't happen again. I'm not rude or anything, I just mention it. If he's not being stern enough with Sweet One, I'll let him know. He didn't wash one dish that was on the counter with all the other dishes? I'll point it out. Reminding him that it's annoying and could he refrain from doing that again.
Thinking of this got me to thinking that rarely does Big Love ever point out my weaknesses. I've never been criticized by him unless I've asked for it. He'd stand up to me if it was something really important but for the most part, he'll just let it roll off his back.
I'm a lucky SAHM. No, we're not rich but a flexible schedule does make it easier for me to get some things done. Big Love is happy to take the kids for their first two hours so that I can take care of myself. Since I started working out around 3 weeks ago, Big Love confirmed my suspicion that I snap at him less (although he wouldn't have mentioned it had I not brought it up). I didn't get flowers when our kids were cut out of me and I don't get showered in presents nor taken to restaurants for dinner. (I did want the flowers, but the latter two I'm fine without.) What I do have is a husband who is always willing to do things around the house and play with his kids so that I can have a little bit of time to take care of myself. He drops everything once he walks in the door and plays with the kids. No big romantic gestures, but each day he tries to do small things around the house so that I don't have to.
Happy Valentine's Day, Big Love! You know those things I still manage to complain about? The ones that really don't matter? I'm gonna try to stop. That's your present (after you eat all the cupcakes we made for you)!
A little out of the ordinary was time for sledding. The sun was shining and the kids didn't get outside at all on Sunday so Big Love asked me if I had a show I could watch on the DVR and proceeded to take Sweet One outside to play. I enjoyed Pan Am (what is with showing shows out of sequence? Seriously!), had a little quiet and considered doing the dishes just as the two returned from sledding.
Once all of the winter wear was off Big Love had to kill some time because his socks were wet and Little Man, still asleep in our room, couldn't be disturbed. So Big Love took care of the dishes.
Later on in the day I noticed two stick pins on top of the mantel. My guess is that Big Love found them on the floor, remnants of my sewing gong show, and put them up there so that the kids wouldn't be injured.
This was humbling to me. While I'm not trying to nag or make him feel like, I rarely miss an opportunity to point mistakes like this out to him, making sure they don't happen again. I'm not rude or anything, I just mention it. If he's not being stern enough with Sweet One, I'll let him know. He didn't wash one dish that was on the counter with all the other dishes? I'll point it out. Reminding him that it's annoying and could he refrain from doing that again.
Thinking of this got me to thinking that rarely does Big Love ever point out my weaknesses. I've never been criticized by him unless I've asked for it. He'd stand up to me if it was something really important but for the most part, he'll just let it roll off his back.
I'm a lucky SAHM. No, we're not rich but a flexible schedule does make it easier for me to get some things done. Big Love is happy to take the kids for their first two hours so that I can take care of myself. Since I started working out around 3 weeks ago, Big Love confirmed my suspicion that I snap at him less (although he wouldn't have mentioned it had I not brought it up). I didn't get flowers when our kids were cut out of me and I don't get showered in presents nor taken to restaurants for dinner. (I did want the flowers, but the latter two I'm fine without.) What I do have is a husband who is always willing to do things around the house and play with his kids so that I can have a little bit of time to take care of myself. He drops everything once he walks in the door and plays with the kids. No big romantic gestures, but each day he tries to do small things around the house so that I don't have to.
Happy Valentine's Day, Big Love! You know those things I still manage to complain about? The ones that really don't matter? I'm gonna try to stop. That's your present (after you eat all the cupcakes we made for you)!
Saturday, February 11, 2012
A rant
One thing that really gets my blood boiling is when I read that a school district is doing absolutely nothing to protect the civil rights of their LGBT population. Quite honestly, it makes me sick. I have ridiculous anxieties - I can honestly say I worry that one day my children may fall victim to bullies. I don't know how I would deal with it when it makes my heart break to hear of other children - and I don't even know them! - experiencing it. It makes me want to take my children and put them back where they came from! (I wonder how much rag magazine would pay for pictures of the woman who was pregnant for 18 years with the same child?)
I don't really give a flying fukk if people think homosexuality is wrong or not. (I don't think it is wrong.) Society will probably never stop arguing about this but I do hope that we can stop attacking and hurting people because of it. It is not our job to judge one another but it is our duty as humans to love and respect one another and to treat each other with dignity, regardless of our sexual orientation, race or gender. Why is this so hard to do? Why are children killing themselves because of stupid people out there who believe it is ok to terrorize them for being who they are? Why are parents teaching their children that it is ok to do this to their peers? (I am watching Tangled with my daughter and Rapunzel just shouted "Find your humanity!" Seems appropriate.)
You will probably never find a beautifully worded treatise when it comes to my stance on things. I'm too emotional. I can not remember everything I've read and there is no file in my brain that I can search for quotations when I need them. How I feel about these things comes from my gut. I live in a very conservative area and sometimes I find it stifling. (The friends I have would probably shut off and start praying for me if they knew I believed things as I have just expressed!) Sometimes I just want to scream. But for now, I will leave it at this.
I don't really give a flying fukk if people think homosexuality is wrong or not. (I don't think it is wrong.) Society will probably never stop arguing about this but I do hope that we can stop attacking and hurting people because of it. It is not our job to judge one another but it is our duty as humans to love and respect one another and to treat each other with dignity, regardless of our sexual orientation, race or gender. Why is this so hard to do? Why are children killing themselves because of stupid people out there who believe it is ok to terrorize them for being who they are? Why are parents teaching their children that it is ok to do this to their peers? (I am watching Tangled with my daughter and Rapunzel just shouted "Find your humanity!" Seems appropriate.)
You will probably never find a beautifully worded treatise when it comes to my stance on things. I'm too emotional. I can not remember everything I've read and there is no file in my brain that I can search for quotations when I need them. How I feel about these things comes from my gut. I live in a very conservative area and sometimes I find it stifling. (The friends I have would probably shut off and start praying for me if they knew I believed things as I have just expressed!) Sometimes I just want to scream. But for now, I will leave it at this.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Sweet One is 3!
Yesterday was Sweet One's third birthday. Third! It really seems difficult to believe. How did it happen so fast?
I want to sit and type a beautiful ode to my little girl laughing at how after months of being terrified the day would never come, she is now potty trained. Why she'll drop her pants in front of the tv and then run hobbled to the bathroom I do not know but will always laugh at. She has moments of being the great big sister in the world - smothering her brother in kisses, running to comfort him when he is hurt, telling him all of her adventures, protecting him from what she perceives as dangers - and then the next she is biting him (a stage that makes me want to lose my marbles).
The expressions and phrases she uses to tell me all about what is going on and how she is feeling never cease to amaze me. I don't always know why she'll attribute them to particular circumstances ("Yes, mother, isn't it wonderful?" after a poop!) but I will always keep laughing with her.
I think one of my biggest challenges as her mother is going to be finding motivation for her to do things. The big stuff seems to need to be on her own terms and that is okay by me. Perhaps it will bode well for future 'big' decisions as she grows and is faced with all the challenges in life.
But really, tonight my brain is not equipped for beautiful verse. Even when she is not in front of me I can see her smile. I want to hold on to every moment forever - well, yes, there are some I want to forget - but for the most part there isn't anything I would want to be different. When I lose my temper and yell, I apologize to her and promise to do my best not to do it again. I hope that she will see this as something to learn from, too. She and I have so much left to learn together and eventually she will spread her wings.... tonight, though, I will read her her bedtime stories and snuggle her for a little while before I leave. Giving her five or six kisses and telling her just how much I love her because in the end, that is the most important.
Yesterday we had a party for her and I made her a rainbow (cup)cake. I was worried about doing the frosting because the last time I tried to pipe it really didn't work. Armed with my sister's frosting recipe (she owns a cupcake shop) I got to work and it was so much easier than I expected. I was just getting onto a roll when Sweet One woke up and she became so exciting about the whole process. I really won't forget it. I was so excited that it all worked out.
When everything was packed up in the car ready to go to the church (that's where we had the party) I went in to grab the cake. I figured if it was the last thing in the car there would be less chance that something would happen. So I was carrying it out (with one hand) and about to read for the closet door to grab a coat when I bumped the banister. I will also never forget what happened next.
Oh well! At least we were able to quickly buy one. The only reason Sweet One got upset was because she could see that I was. (The toughest part is trying to get that damn red out of the carpet. Not sure how successful I will be!)
Happy Birthday, my girl. You make my world so much better.
I want to sit and type a beautiful ode to my little girl laughing at how after months of being terrified the day would never come, she is now potty trained. Why she'll drop her pants in front of the tv and then run hobbled to the bathroom I do not know but will always laugh at. She has moments of being the great big sister in the world - smothering her brother in kisses, running to comfort him when he is hurt, telling him all of her adventures, protecting him from what she perceives as dangers - and then the next she is biting him (a stage that makes me want to lose my marbles).
The expressions and phrases she uses to tell me all about what is going on and how she is feeling never cease to amaze me. I don't always know why she'll attribute them to particular circumstances ("Yes, mother, isn't it wonderful?" after a poop!) but I will always keep laughing with her.
I think one of my biggest challenges as her mother is going to be finding motivation for her to do things. The big stuff seems to need to be on her own terms and that is okay by me. Perhaps it will bode well for future 'big' decisions as she grows and is faced with all the challenges in life.
But really, tonight my brain is not equipped for beautiful verse. Even when she is not in front of me I can see her smile. I want to hold on to every moment forever - well, yes, there are some I want to forget - but for the most part there isn't anything I would want to be different. When I lose my temper and yell, I apologize to her and promise to do my best not to do it again. I hope that she will see this as something to learn from, too. She and I have so much left to learn together and eventually she will spread her wings.... tonight, though, I will read her her bedtime stories and snuggle her for a little while before I leave. Giving her five or six kisses and telling her just how much I love her because in the end, that is the most important.
Yesterday we had a party for her and I made her a rainbow (cup)cake. I was worried about doing the frosting because the last time I tried to pipe it really didn't work. Armed with my sister's frosting recipe (she owns a cupcake shop) I got to work and it was so much easier than I expected. I was just getting onto a roll when Sweet One woke up and she became so exciting about the whole process. I really won't forget it. I was so excited that it all worked out.
Happy Birthday, my girl. You make my world so much better.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Just another Saturday night
It's not that I don't think a new year isn't full of possibilities but when you have two little ones in the house, haven't had a decent night's sleep for awhile and your husband has to work on Sunday morning, there isn't a whole lot to get excited about for a New Year's Eve that falls on a Saturday night! Big Love and I have both said a few times today that we really don't care that it is new Year's Eve right now (and we have no more plans than we would on any other evening in the week.) Looking around at our little Christmas tree and the other few decorations we have lingering to remind us that Christmas was only a week ago, my thoughts are more consumed by Sweet One's third birthday that is a week from today. I started a dress for her which I need to finish up and then I have to figure out what to serve alongside the hotdogs and cake so the adults have something to eat, too. I barely had time to breathe from doing all my Christmas preparations!
I do have some hopes for the New Year (and I hope they don't get up too high!).
Perhaps my children will let me sleep a bit more and that these stages that we always have to go through might not rock the boat so much. I want to continue to raise my children in a way that I can be proud of and that will help them be the amazing little people that I see when I look at them.
I really hope that the 3% raise Big Love is getting manages to feel like it helps out despite the 15-20% increase in our medical deductibles that will follow in its wake (and this whole inflation thing!). And if things don't feel any easier, I would like to deal with them better and not begin to lose my mind every time the end of the month comes around and we haven't saved enough to be able to go on a vacation at some point.
I would really like to not feel so gross - maybe I can find a little bit more time for me to exercise and to take care of myself. Learning to not take my tired crankiness out on others would be a good thing to learn this year. If I could figure out a way to let things go more and not self-flagellate over the past I'm sure that would help my new year be more enjoyable. To learn to let people be who they are, even if it means I have to let go.
And finally, to give myself a break now and again.
Happy New Year! Whether you have big plans or little, I hope you enjoy putting up a new calendar.
I do have some hopes for the New Year (and I hope they don't get up too high!).
Perhaps my children will let me sleep a bit more and that these stages that we always have to go through might not rock the boat so much. I want to continue to raise my children in a way that I can be proud of and that will help them be the amazing little people that I see when I look at them.
I really hope that the 3% raise Big Love is getting manages to feel like it helps out despite the 15-20% increase in our medical deductibles that will follow in its wake (and this whole inflation thing!). And if things don't feel any easier, I would like to deal with them better and not begin to lose my mind every time the end of the month comes around and we haven't saved enough to be able to go on a vacation at some point.
I would really like to not feel so gross - maybe I can find a little bit more time for me to exercise and to take care of myself. Learning to not take my tired crankiness out on others would be a good thing to learn this year. If I could figure out a way to let things go more and not self-flagellate over the past I'm sure that would help my new year be more enjoyable. To learn to let people be who they are, even if it means I have to let go.
And finally, to give myself a break now and again.
Happy New Year! Whether you have big plans or little, I hope you enjoy putting up a new calendar.
Friday, December 23, 2011
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas (I hope!)
We only have two more Advent presents to open up! Sweet One has really enjoyed reading the stories and eating the chocolates. Christmas is almost here and everyone in this little family is enjoying it as best we can.
Sweet One has slept passed 630 for four days in a row - the last two it was 700! She's been acting a little funny the past two days and I think she's fighting something off and so I hope it doesn't make Christmas too much for her. We decorated the tree yesterday and with each 'ormament' she saw there were oooh's and ahhh's. A nice way to feel the magic of the season through a little one's eyes. After her nap yesterday afternoon, she came downstairs, knelt by the tree and just looked at it. Lots of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, A Charlie Brown Christmas and lots of other television specials have been watched. It's been fun!
Little Man has given me 4 days of decent sleep and so I am feeling the best I've felt in a month or so. He's so busy these days. I think it is time to put away the exersaucer because he really doesn't like staying put. Constantly pulling himself up to standing and grabbing everything that he can see. I'm feeling much busier making sure there is nothing dangerous for him. He does tumble every now and then but we're both surviving with no major injuries! I was worried about putting up the tree but he hasn't reached for it at all - maybe we'll be able to keep it up for more than a few days!
Big Love won't be able to spend much time with us until the afternoon of Christmas Day. I'm having trouble not feeling lonely about this. I married the guy knowing this would happen each and every year, unless he decides to change career paths, but up until Sweet One was born I was involved in all the church stuff, too. I'm going to watch Crazy, Stupid, Love once the presents are under the tree and the stockings have been stuffed. I also think I'll make some mulled wine. Eventually the kids will be bigger and they'll be involved with the happenings at church, too, so it won't feel like we're at home on our own.
We managed to keep to a small budget for Christmas but that hasn't stopped the gifts from piling up. I did want to buy a little more for the kids but there was no point after everything that our family has bought for them! It is really insane and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by how much they will have. I'll be curious to see if Sweet one wants to go through all the presents as fast as possible or play with each one a little like she did last year. Luckily we'll all be together until around 1030 so we can enjoy some time opening them up together.
I did end up getting a new iPod nano! It showed up today and I'm so excited!
I've been having some troubles feeling like it is Christmas. There is no snow on the ground but we did have some flakes in the sky for awhile this morning. With each little moment that Sweet One becomes enraptured by what she sees, I'm feeling a little bit more of what it is all about.
Merry Christmas! I hope that yours has many moments that make the season magical.
Sweet One has slept passed 630 for four days in a row - the last two it was 700! She's been acting a little funny the past two days and I think she's fighting something off and so I hope it doesn't make Christmas too much for her. We decorated the tree yesterday and with each 'ormament' she saw there were oooh's and ahhh's. A nice way to feel the magic of the season through a little one's eyes. After her nap yesterday afternoon, she came downstairs, knelt by the tree and just looked at it. Lots of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, A Charlie Brown Christmas and lots of other television specials have been watched. It's been fun!
Little Man has given me 4 days of decent sleep and so I am feeling the best I've felt in a month or so. He's so busy these days. I think it is time to put away the exersaucer because he really doesn't like staying put. Constantly pulling himself up to standing and grabbing everything that he can see. I'm feeling much busier making sure there is nothing dangerous for him. He does tumble every now and then but we're both surviving with no major injuries! I was worried about putting up the tree but he hasn't reached for it at all - maybe we'll be able to keep it up for more than a few days!
Big Love won't be able to spend much time with us until the afternoon of Christmas Day. I'm having trouble not feeling lonely about this. I married the guy knowing this would happen each and every year, unless he decides to change career paths, but up until Sweet One was born I was involved in all the church stuff, too. I'm going to watch Crazy, Stupid, Love once the presents are under the tree and the stockings have been stuffed. I also think I'll make some mulled wine. Eventually the kids will be bigger and they'll be involved with the happenings at church, too, so it won't feel like we're at home on our own.
We managed to keep to a small budget for Christmas but that hasn't stopped the gifts from piling up. I did want to buy a little more for the kids but there was no point after everything that our family has bought for them! It is really insane and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by how much they will have. I'll be curious to see if Sweet one wants to go through all the presents as fast as possible or play with each one a little like she did last year. Luckily we'll all be together until around 1030 so we can enjoy some time opening them up together.
I did end up getting a new iPod nano! It showed up today and I'm so excited!
I've been having some troubles feeling like it is Christmas. There is no snow on the ground but we did have some flakes in the sky for awhile this morning. With each little moment that Sweet One becomes enraptured by what she sees, I'm feeling a little bit more of what it is all about.
Merry Christmas! I hope that yours has many moments that make the season magical.
Monday, December 5, 2011
A simple Advent tradition is begun
I can't think of the word tradition without going back to my perch on the rooftop, fiddle in hand, as the play started. We had to omit the fun little transitional part between verses due to the incompetence of the pianist but it quickly became a song that drove me nuts. Now I chuckle as I think of simpler times.
Traditions are important and Sweet One is at the age where I can start some with her. She is catching on quickly to so many things. One question I've been asking myself these days is how to instill in my kids and understanding that Christmas is more than just the presents we buy. Another is how do I start to teach my child about being Christian. (That is the choice we have made for our lives and I believe it is more than just taking them to church.)
I wanted to start a simple Advent tradition this year. I learned about this from one of the blogs I frequent and decided that I wanted to use it. It took a lot of cutting and folding before I could put in a few m&m's along with one Hershey's kiss, but I am so happy that I did it.
Sweet One quickly learned that we wait until just before she goes to bed. Tea is made (this wasn't planned but it came about when she asked for tea on December 2) and I lift her up so she can take hold of the evening's present. Last night as Big Love was going to get our tea, Sweet One looked at me and said, "yesterday we had number 3." I was so happy that she remembered - she is catching on so quickly! And so she retrieved December 4 and said, "Oh! my favorite treat" as I poured the goods in her hand. (I need to replace some of the hard candies with more kisses because she didn't like them.) She savored each morsel and then we sat down to read the short story for that night. (I am really enjoying the book I got for this.)
I didn't expect her to grasp all of this so quickly. Seeing her find the magic in each of these little moments, I hope that I can let go of my feelings of inadequacy and help my kids understand what is truly important at this time of year.
Traditions are important and Sweet One is at the age where I can start some with her. She is catching on quickly to so many things. One question I've been asking myself these days is how to instill in my kids and understanding that Christmas is more than just the presents we buy. Another is how do I start to teach my child about being Christian. (That is the choice we have made for our lives and I believe it is more than just taking them to church.)
I wanted to start a simple Advent tradition this year. I learned about this from one of the blogs I frequent and decided that I wanted to use it. It took a lot of cutting and folding before I could put in a few m&m's along with one Hershey's kiss, but I am so happy that I did it.
Sweet One quickly learned that we wait until just before she goes to bed. Tea is made (this wasn't planned but it came about when she asked for tea on December 2) and I lift her up so she can take hold of the evening's present. Last night as Big Love was going to get our tea, Sweet One looked at me and said, "yesterday we had number 3." I was so happy that she remembered - she is catching on so quickly! And so she retrieved December 4 and said, "Oh! my favorite treat" as I poured the goods in her hand. (I need to replace some of the hard candies with more kisses because she didn't like them.) She savored each morsel and then we sat down to read the short story for that night. (I am really enjoying the book I got for this.)
I didn't expect her to grasp all of this so quickly. Seeing her find the magic in each of these little moments, I hope that I can let go of my feelings of inadequacy and help my kids understand what is truly important at this time of year.
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