Thursday, April 28, 2011

Sweet sharing

(I really hope I haven't posted this before!)

Whenever Sweet One wants a cookie, we bring her the container and she first picks one out for me, then for her Dad if he is here and then for herself. This is something she came up with on her own and I find it unbelievably sweet. If I don't really want to eat a cookie, she gets after me to make sure I eat it!

Saturday, April 23, 2011


How do other moms manage to get everything done and still have some time for themselves? Right now, the idea of ever getting to the place where I can keep the house clean, make our meals, spend time with the kids and do all the other little things that need to be done in a day seems impossible. Nevermind trying to find some time to recharge myself in all of that. I do not want each of my days to merely be survived. I want the free time I have during the day to be spent with my kids not grasping at straws to get all the chores done. I'm ok with collapsing at the end of the day, closing my eyes knowing that my sleep won't be the greatest. I fear that my ability to achieve a mom-self balance is elusive.

Thursday, April 21, 2011


It's one of my favorite moments in the day and I've been lucky enough to have it every day since Big Love went back to work. Sweet One and I are lying on her bed with the lights out. She is gently snoring as she rubs up against my left side. Beside the bed is Little Man in his sleeper (the best $45 I've ever spent!). It is quiet while we all drift off to sleep. Eventually I will be roused from my sleep from Little Man's noises; this little guy can sometimes snore louder than his sister! When Sweet One wakes up, she looks over and rolls into me for a snuggle. Sometimes it is quick because she wants to get up and then there are times when it is a little bit extended so that I can enjoy snuggling with my little girl.Link

Sunday, April 17, 2011


This morning I get a failing grade at being a mother of two. Between not getting much sleep at night, a toddler who doesn't understand how to use a 'quiet voice', constantly needing to get Little Man to nap - well, I'm losing my patience more than I should be. Mostly it is directed at Sweet One and she doesn't deserve that.

Our low point this morning was when twenty minutes in to trying to get Little Man sleeping, he just wasn't getting into that deep sleep state. Sweet One came close to him and started talking loudly. Again, I desperately told her to not talk so close to him but she looked at me like I was talking greek. She continued to talk so I took her arm and moved her into the next room. She stumbled and grabbed her arm. Did I accidentally pinched her? Probably not, but I've never been rough with her before. She started screaming and so I put her in time out where she continued to cry. Feeling completely guilty for losing my patience, I joined her in time out and gave her a hug while I apologized for being mad and tried to explain to her how Little Man needs quiet to fall asleep. Then she went into the living room and after I started crying she came back to hug me profusely until she thought I was a little better. I tried to get myself together. But I don't really think I did.

I don't feel like I'm ever going to find a balance where I feel like I'm giving Sweet One enough attention, managing Little Man's nap schedule and trying to find some time to rest myself. Perhaps this will change when Little Man's schedule is more predictable and I'm getting more sleep at night. For now, it seems like it is going to be exhaustion coupled with a desperation not to take out my frustration on Sweet One. Then perhaps I'll have a regular meltdown now and again!

(I guess not everything that leaves a major impression on me during these early days is a positive one.)

Wednesday, April 13, 2011


When my daughter was little I knew how lucky I was that for the majority of our nights the feedings were often 4 hours apart. What made it so that she would sleep so well, I'm not exactly sure. It did take some time for her to get to sleep, but at least I was usually only awake for up to an hour at a time.

Last night was the third night where I was constantly reminding myself of how lucky I was with Sweet One. I started waking up at 12:20, Sweet One woke up at 12:40 and then Little Man woke up at 1:10. I fed him, he looked around. He was completely mesmerized by the shadows on the wall that the 15 watt lightbulb makes in my bedside light. It wasn't until 3:30 that I finally got back to sleep. But he was hungry again at 5:10 and then I had to wake him up around 8:30 since it was 'daytime' and I don't want him to go too long between feedings during the day.

I don't really know how I survive this. I guess we all do. Big Love goes back to work tomorrow and I will be eternally grateful that he doesn't have a job where he needs to be there by 8 until 5 or 6. It will be a back and forth day with choir rehearsal in the evening so I will also do bedtime solo for the first time. Again, another situation where I know I will be fine once I'm in the middle of it all but right now it makes my post-partum anxiety jump up higher than I like.

Friday, April 8, 2011


I can't help but compare the early days with Little Man to those with Sweet One. I considered Sweet One such an easy baby and I know this was true. But so far Little Man is even easier.

I never co-slept with Sweet One but I have been with Little Man. It started because I was by myself at nights in the hospital and it was easier than ringing the nurses every time I needed to get him out of the crib. Also, the first night he insisted on nursing for almost 3 hours straight so it was impossible to get any rest without just falling asleep while he ate. (And yes, technically the nurses are not allowed to let him sleep in teh bed with me but they turned a blind eye and for this I am deeply grateful!)

When Sweet One started out, feeding her was a great challenge - which we overcame despite many swear words and tears. Luckily, since I already knew what to do, it was much easier to get things going well with Little Man. While Sweet One would have been taking 30-45 minutes for a feed at this time, Little Man only takes 10-20! And yes, it is enough as I only have to feed him every 4 hours at night. After I'm done feeding him, it usually only takes a few minutes to get him sleeping while Sweet One would often cry for up to 20 minutes. All of this leaves me getting more rest and not stressing myself to tears every time he is hungry!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011


I do not have the time and energy to put together anything extensive so I have decided that over the next while I will briefly share some of the things that are most impressed upon me these days.

My daughter grew up in the 3.5 days that I was in the hospital. She seems bigger, taller and so completely away from her baby days that I am at a loss for where they went. She loves her little brother and is constantly wanting to kiss him. There are moments where she struggles with the new roles in our family but for the most part, I keep looking at this little girl who seems to have grown up so much in such a short time.