Crappy Mothering

I've been struggling over the past few days. I desperately want Sweet One to be potty trained and seem to be completely devoid of patience.

The biggest problem is when she says, "Get back in there, poop!" Seriously? A kid who can feel her poop on its way out and then commands it to stay inside can't just decide to go and put it where it belongs? I was feeling like things were coming to a head Sunday night when Sweet one spent over an hour crying due to her discomfort. I started getting my hopes up that eventually she would decide to go and it would be that moment. The moment the switch flips and we finish the process of potty training.

But nothing happened that day. And so the next I spoke to another woman who had gone through this with her child. Her instructions were to basically sit the kid on the potty and make her go. Well, to make a long story short, we had two days of some screaming, hitting and biting that resulted in some success. She was proud of what she did and I got optimistic. But on the third day we ended up with me running into the kitchen screaming and Sweet One throwing her potty across the room. Not something I am proud of. I was so frustrated and cried while I held my 7 month old baby boy. Sweet One didn't like it that I was crying and told me so by slapping me across the face.

I want to relax and calmly wait for the day Sweet One decides to go in the potty for this. As the doctor once said, and my friend recently reminded me, 'you can't make them go poop in the potty'. Well, for a brief moment I thought I could .... and then I learned how completely wrong I was.

This morning I went to the moms group and sat at a table. Three other women were talking about potty training and I am not alone. Sometimes the words I need to hear aren't in the formal 'lesson' that we hear at these meetings but in the conversations that surround me. "It's probably one of those things where in 6 months I'll be wondering why I got so worried about it. It just isn't worth it."

So I will try hard. I will listen to those around me who say that one day it will all click. She'll just decide to do it. And I desperately hope that I will stop feeling like I am failing as a mother because Sweet One isn't potty trained yet.