If only I had a Dymo label maker lodged in my temple

Because then when I am sitting in the dark, holding Little Man as he falls asleep and my mind is finally resting after a long, hot day filled with temper tantrums, time outs and everything else that goes with having a toddler, all of the thoughts I am processing could actually be put to blog as clearly as I hear them in the quiet. It is amazing because in those moments before I place him in his crib I can actually process a thought without everything else interjecting.

The problem is that by the time he is in his crib, I will either have to continue fighting with Sweet One to convince her to fall asleep or come downstairs to a mess that needs to be cleaned up. Lately, it has been so goddam hot here that if I don't have to do either of those, the only thing I can do is collapse into a heap on the floor. This western girl doesn't fare in the humid heat. Gimme a dry heat and I'll suck it up. But with the house not cooling off at night and me worrying about whether my swaddled infant is overheating, I'm almost losing my mind. If I didn't have children, I'd probably be lying with my body spread out over as much surface as possible as I drool and watch tv show after tv show with a vacant expression in my mind. Having to care for two children doesn't really make the heat better. I can tell that the kids are starting to lose their minds from it, as well. And really, I'm not the greatest mom when my gray matter has turned to pudding and sloshing around my skull.

So onto a completely different topic, my newest pet peeve. Then and Than. Why are people so incapable of using it correctly? I have no idea but I wish they'd learn.

Onto Love Bites. One of my favorite summer programs. Three different short stories each episode seem completely unrelated to one another, but there are tidbits that pop up to connect them through a few recurring characters. I giggle. And for some reason, I love Greg Grunberg. He always makes me chuckle. Especially in this show with the relationship between his character and the wife. So cute.

Ok. Officially mixing the pudding up as I shake my head so I will turn off and hope for clearer brain days ahead!

Time out for nothing

Sweet One loves to take the paper cover off of her crayons. I don't really care. It lets her practice her fine motor skills! What I did care about was the red mark on the floor beside all of her paper droppings , especially after she had colored a large patch on the floor while her Dad was gone. So I put her in time out and tried to get her to stop screaming while she was there. It was long and didn't achieve what I hoped. I went to start cleaning the crayon out of the carpet and realized it was an old jello stain that had been there for awhile. What an asshole I was. Not only did she have a very long time out that left her sobbing in heaves, but she had a time out for doing nothing wrong! Next time I'll rub the mark for wax before assuming she's colored.

This was three days ago now and I still feel sick to my stomach when I think about it.

With a whole lot of help from my friends

My best friend in the world, M, was here for a visit last week to meet Little Man and help me out while Big Love was out of town. I do not have the words for how wonderful it was to have her here. Getting very little sleep and a very fussy baby around the supper prep time, I don't think I would have survived as well as I did without her making me supper, doing dishes, tidying my house while I was putting the kids to bed and most of all, playing with Sweet One. On top of all that, having time to talk with her and simply be around her was the greatest.

When M walked down the stairs the first morning she was here (she arrived after the kids were sleeping), Sweet One immediately took to her. This surprised me a little because she usually needs a bit of time to adjust to someone new being in her house. A few days later I realized that M has seen Sweet One five times since she was born and this is probably why Sweet One adores her so much.

I have always been so thankful for M in my life, but seeing her loving my children and taking time out of her busy schedule to spend so much time with us, it gives our friendship a greater depth. She doesn't have to do this but she does and I love her even more for it.

***
Five years ago today we crossed the border and made our journey east to where we now live. We weren't quite sure what we were getting ourselves into and it has had its ups and downs, but I have learned and grown so much since that fateful day.

Today would have marked the day that we were officially out of status had the I-360 not miraculously been approved. For almost two weeks we were planning to be without a paycheck for a short but significant amount of time when it comes to our finances. My friend who lives across the street is also a Canadian and understands the stress of visas. Yesterday while Sweet One and I were over at their place playing with the two younger boys and their dad, he mentioned that it was great that we were still in status because then they didn't have to pay our mortgage. Very confused, I asked him what they were talking about and he told me that my friend told him that if Big Love was out of work they were going to pay our mortgage. This blew me away. I told him he was crazy and he said, no, that was what she said. The fact that they would do that for us leaves me speechless and humbled. I have absolutely no words. (Although, I'm very relieved it never ended up coming to that point!)

I don't really know what I have done in my life to deserve such friendships.

Just in time ... but not quite

I found out half an hour ago that our I-380 was approved. Recently the Federal Courts decided to question whether or not these can be filed concurrently with an I-485. Had they not done so, we would have received our green cards with about a week to spare before our current visas expire. Then we wouldn't be in the situation we are: shitting bricks over whether or not Big Love will be getting paychecks next month. I cannot imagine that our I-485 would be approved fast enough but who knows if we could speed it up and avoid applying for the H visas. Who knows. It is all a gong show and I feel like a dryer ball being tossed around in the heat.

..... about 8 hours later....

You'd think that by this point I'd be able to understand all the steps and what happens when, well, not so much. The bad thing is that sometimes my head spins when I try to figure it all out and the good thing? Well, an I-360 gets approved and it is even a much better development that I first thought! After talking with our lawyer, this was what he was hoping for; it's a best case scenario!

We felt pretty strange for awhile, questioning why we are here and what brought us here, are we going to have to pack up and return to Canada, etc. But for now, I'm just going to enjoy some Canadiana as I watch Rookie Blue!

WW Sweet One

"Stop it, Sweet One! It hurts!" she shouts as she plays by herself, wrestling a package of disposable diapers. I assume the diapers are winning if she's the one shouting stop it!

There are moments when I look at my Little Man staring at me and I am positive that I have seen his face before. I am not sure where. Is it a resemblance to a family member? I don't know. But his face is familiar as if I have known him long before he was ever here.

Blue eyes, staring at me

After two days of 3.5 hour long naps, this Little Man has decided to stop sleeping it seems. He didn't sleep for more than 35 minutes at a time today and yet he'd wake up completely exhausted and wanting to go back to sleep. At 6:45 I brought him upstairs to start getting him ready for sleep since he was acting completely exhausted. I changed him, fed him, read to him and turned on his lullaby music while I started to rock him to sleep. Well, he fell asleep, then woke up screaming as if wakened by a bad dream. Big Love worked on him for 45 minutes but he woke up shortly after being put in the crib. Now it is 9:25 and he seems as bright eyed as ever. Luckily he is not fussy. Just not wanting to sleep. One of these days I will have to start making him go to sleep on his own, but not tonight. (Although the last two nights he was totally showing that he might be ready for it!) Argh. Babies. If only we could get a print out of what was going on from minute to minute!