Tomorrow I will be taking my daughter to get the swine flu vaccine. Fortunately for me, our pediatrics clinic gives the preservative free version to all children under the age of 3. Despite the fact that thimerosal has been deemed safe, if the option is there to not take the chance, why bother? This is the stance the clinic takes.

Choosing to vaccinate is a little scary. There is so much fear with vaccines in general. We have given her all her vaccines to date and she has been just fine with them. I am hoping this one will be the same case. I have been watching as many segments on tv as I can find, reading online and listening to others talk about the challenges of making this decision. For me and my husband, we firmly believe that the risk of not vaccinating and the potential complications for a child our daughter's age is not worth the risk. From what I have learned, the vaccine has been made the same way that the seasonal flu shot has been for years.

I still get nervous about taking her to get her vaccines but it is not because I believe they are going to give her autism, it is because I know that it fucking hurts. She screams at first and then she cries. What mother wants to put her child through that? I take comfort in knowing that I do not remember my vaccines from when I was that small. And I take comfort in believing that they are doing what they are meant to do. Will I get the swine flu vaccine? As the pediatrician said, if there are enough and I can actually get your hands on one!

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As I think about this more, I'm starting to believe that the panic and frenzy found in the media is moreso the reaction of the public to a new virus that is not fully understood. Choosing whether or not to vaccine gives us a sense of control. There are so many things in this world that we have absolutely no control over. When the opportunity arises, I know I will leap at the chance to feel like I have the ability to protect my daugther. Regardless of which way I choose.