Sweet One's sleeping story

For a good chunk of her first year, Sweet One always slept as good as I could have hoped. Around two or three months old, I started waking her up around 10 or 10:30 to feed her and then she slept until 6 or 6:30. I knew how lucky I was. Not once did I take it for granted. Then at around nine months old it stopped. I think it was brought on by many things which include teething, a couple trips out of town, her first fever and my mistake of not giving her enough solids for fear of her weaning. A doctor told me to feed her when she woke up which I now believe made the situation worse. I still think you're an ass, Doc. The first few months with a couple wakings per night was not terrible but as time went on she was barely sleeping three hours straight. I was miserable and barely staying afloat. Wishing at times that I could run out of the house and not return. Some nights I would cry myself back to sleep. I thought it was never going to end and I was getting scared that I'd fall into a deep depression.

I started trying to get her to sleep better by taking the soother away cold turkey. I'm sorry to take something away from you that you love so much, sweetie! This didn't help as much as one resource led me to believe it would.

I then focused on helping her learn to get herself to sleep. Starting by being in the room with her as she fell asleep, but not holding her, seemed to work but after awhile every time she woke up in the night she'd cry until I poked my head in the door and then go right back to sleep!

The final step was what I had dreaded even before she was born: I had to let her cry it out a bit. I decided that I only felt comfortable letting her cry for 5 minutes before checking on her. So I let her cry and did as I planned. She became quiet quickly. Then after I left she cried again for another 5 minutes. I checked on her and felt guilty when it took her longer to settle down again. It's harder on me than it is for you, Sweet One. This is for your own good. I left again and after 2 minutes she fell asleep. The second day of this took less time and then the third well, there was no crying.

I'm glad to say that now Sweet One is sleeping from around 6:30 until 6 or 6:30, sometimes waking up at 5:00 or shortly after for a feed. I do not think that had I left her cry it out earlier that it would have necessarily fixed the problem earlier. She needed to know that I was nearby before she could handle it all on her own. I am surprised at how quickly my daily life felt easier after only two or three nights of a good sleep. Now it is close to a full month of good sleep.

So that's my story of Sweet One's sleep. I just thought I'd share it since I had quite a few posts where I was falling apart from her lack of sleep. Sorry if you're bored. I've read so much out there in the blogosphere about sleeping troubles that I can now realize that 3 months of hell isn't that bad at all compared to what some moms have to deal with. As hard as those three months were, they are now becoming a faint memory. I'm surprised how hard it was to remember some of the details in timeline. There are things I wish were this easy to forget! Sweet One is practically an expert at putting herself to sleep, I barely rock her anymore before her second nap and bedtime. Sometimes she fusses when I'm trying to rock her for a few minutes as if to tell me that she'd like to be on her own! Please let me rock you, just a few more minutes.

Housebound again

Over the past few days we had gotten out for walks again after being snowed in for a few weeks. It was fabulous! The sun was shining and during one of the walks I was almost too warm. I anticipated going to the local trail and enjoying a nice long walk today. But then I woke up. It is almost 3:00 pm and we've had 3 inches of snow today. Just when I thought I wouldn't need something to help me get through the snow, it all starts again. Well, maybe I'll win the snow stroller with their second contest!

As she walks

I believe that my job as a mother is to prepare my child to be able to firmly stand on her own two feet. As I watched her today, walking everywhere she possibly could, I couldn't help but get a few tears in my eyes. At times she would walk straight for me and then veer off to somewhere else. It made my heart ache a little to think that there was something else more exciting than me! She looks too little to be walking already; it's too soon. I want to be able to protect her as long as I can but I know there are things she will have to do on her own. I let her walk wherever she wanted. Sometimes I was close by and at other times I watched from a distance as she plopped down on her bum and then got back up with courage and determination. Learning to do this on her own and trusting herself to do it. She knew that with every step she took she was accomplishing something. Words fail me as I recall the beaming look on her face. Thank God these are not the steps that will take her from me as she leaves the nest.

That is what I want to remember today by. Not the fussing that happened when she wasn't walking; the food thrown on the floor, the whining and all the behavior that is so out of the ordinary for her. I'm hoping the teeth will break through soon! (Little fukkers.)

I also do not want to remember today by the fear that is gnawing at my stomach as we await a decision that will have to be made due to someone else's error in the payroll at church. It has the potential to kick our asses.

Her own victory

I was head down looking through one of her bins trying to find a slightly bigger pair of jeans that could fit her cloth butt. She was crawling around in the area above the stairs where the doors to the rooms are. I had just put her down from the changing table and the sense of freedom she regained had her off as quickly as she could, the sounds of her hands smacking the floor a clear sign that she was enjoying herself. The smacking continued. The space between each smack seemed to get shorter. I looked up and there she was: chubby legs moving in small steps with the biggest smile on her face going through the doorway and back into her bedroom. She was holding a Canadian pen above her head like a victory torch. Her first journey on her feet uncoerced by either me or Big Love.

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I gave myself a bit of a creative exercise today and revamped the "About Me" section of my page. I have no ability to change up the page itself and so changing a section or so will have to do.

Seeing the sun isn't helping

Sweet One's sleep has improved drastically over the past 2 weeks - sleeping up to twelve hours a night. There's so much in my head to yabber about this and yet I can't get myself to do it. She even lets Big Love put her to bed and that in itself is an accomplishment. I am starting to sleep through the night, too.

The sun has shone for a few days and we got out for some walks. But my brain still feels blechgh. Usually the having the sun shining makes everything feel much better. While carrying her to the stroller yesterday, Sweet One could barely contain her excitement.

I have a beautiful bathroom and a month or two ago I said I was going to have a bath right after it was completed. I haven't taken that bath because I really don't want to have to see this body, all gooey, shmushy and blubbery, for the entire time I'd be bathing. Big Love even bought a $16 bottle of wine yesterday so that I could enjoy in my first bath but I'm not sure my ego can handle it! (We usually don't spend that much on it but he wanted to make sure I'd have a decent glass of wine to enjoy.)

I feel like so much doesn't feel right - my body, my brain, my clothes, my lack of personal goals. Not sure how to get out of this funk and after three days it doesn't feel like it will just pass.

Sweet One took close to a dozen steps on her own. Over the past few days she'd take two or three here and there but today was the first time she covered as much ground as she did.

Still no new teeth. The second tooth she got was on September 19th and she's gnawing on everything she can get her mouth on. I'm hoping those fukkers make it through soon.

New Show: Life Unexpected

I just finished watching the pilot episode of Life Unexpected and I loved it! It airs on the CW Mondays at 9pm and I can't watch it then because of 24 and The Big Bang Theory, both shows I watch with Big Love. Luckily they re-air it Wednesdays at 8 and I desperately hope they continue to do so. I love the characters already! Not since Gilmore Girls have I liked a show this much after the first time I watched it.

I know my life isn't too exciting when I get this excited about a new show! But what am I gonna do?

My little butterfly

If you help a butterfly out of a cocoon its wings will not be strong enough to survive once it is out and it will die.

That's what a friend told me yesterday when I was telling her how bad I feel for Sweet One as she is teething. At a year old she only has 2 teeth - the second arrived on September 19th and it wasn't far behind the first. It has been months of gnawing on anything she can put in her mouth. Recently, she has even been putting her hand on her gums when nothing else is within her arms reach. Today I got a good look at her gums and there seems to be 4-6 little buggers on their way down. Maybe getting a whole bunch at once will make this drawn out process a little bit more worth it.

I wish so much that I could stop it from aching for her. I can't imagine how much teething might hurt since I don't remember the process myself but I'd love to spare her the pain. And then I thought that perhaps this is the little stuff that is preparing me. Physical pain that is guaranteed to have relief once the process is over. Down the road I'm sure there will be so much she has to go through as she grows up and I won't be able to fix it at all. I'll only be able to be there for her, if she'll have me, and let her know I love her.

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As a side note, I did not win the snow stroller.

As another side note, houses of similar vintage as ours are very poorly insulated in this area which makes A LOT of huge icicles from the heat escaping out the top. When I returned from going to a movie this afternoon I looked at our house and realized that the entire length of our upper gutters was ripped off as the weight from the ice was too much for it to bear. Too bad Sweet One wouldn't chew on one of those!